Specialties Pediatric
Published Mar 10, 2000
randomnamees
40 Posts
PEDIATRICS
Vol.89 No.6
June 1992
Most Interesting Chief Complaints
-Drank the dog's milk - from the dog's nipple
-Needs a circumcision beacause his tonsild/adenoids are so big
-Can't find baby's birthmark
-Placed tooth under pillow - now lodged in right ear
-Piece of bologna string hanging from orifice
-Problem with his manlihood
-Baby is afraid of his hands
-Needs orifice muscles checked - has been straining
-Sprayed hairspray all over bathroom - then threw up from smell
Suspicious - Sounding Chief Complaints
-Fell out of infancy
-Lump down his tentacle
-Needs a mental extraction
-Romantic fever
-Cereal palsy
-Sick as hell anemia
-Scrap throat
-Swollen asteroids
Questions Asked
-Hello, I would like to schedule an emergency.
-Does St. Christopher's carry breast milk?
-May I speak to Mr. Dimetapp?
-My baby can't breathe. What time can I bring her in?
-Is it alright for a 2 year old to fly if he's constipated?
-Is there such a thing as a birth control vibrator?
-My little girl kissed a dead chicken. Should I bring her in?
-Should a 5 year old be wiping his own butt?
Other Amazing Things Said by Parents
Nurse: How do you know he has a stomachache-he's only 2 months old?"
Mother: "Because a lady who had her period held him on her stomach".
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Doctor, to mother of child drinking soda and eating candy "That isn't a good idea for a child with his problem."
Mother - "Well, I certainly don't want my child vomiting on an empty stomach!"
Doctor: "What kind of convulsions has he had in the past?"
Mother: "Oh, he vomits once and then runs around the house chasing the cat".
Doctor: "Give him 3 baby aspirins every 4 hours for the fever".
Mother: "I would but my other 2 kids ate the bottle of aspirin at home this afternoon".
Mother of a 12 year old girl with abdominal pain: "I don't think it's the you-know-what. She ain't a virgin yet".
Nurse: "How did you hurt your leg?"
Boy: "I was break dancing last night and I think the break broke me".