Five Ways to Manage Your Mental Health with Family This Holiday Season

How to help keep your sanity with family and the demands of the holiday season. Specialties Psychiatric Article

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Five Ways to Manage Your Mental Health with Family This Holiday Season

It’s November 8th and the holiday season is officially here. According to Travel and Leisure magazine, with COVID-19 lockdowns, travel bans, and restrictions now in the rearview mirror, 69% of Americans will be traveling to visit family this year for the holidays.

Despite the high cost of travel (gas, hotel rooms, etc.), people still look forward to gathering with their (occasionally dysfunctional) extended families. Once they arrive, some wonder why they didn’t book a trip to the Bahamas instead … alone.

For those not spending the holidays on a white, sandy beach, here are five ways to manage your sanity with your family this holiday season!

1- Don’t Anticipate How the Day Will Go

Worrying about uncle Fred starting a political argument (as he does every year) or Aunt Lillian making comments about how your job isn’t “going anywhere” or the outfit you chose is “very bright” may increase your anxiety even before you arrive. Before dinner, do something relaxing for yourself.

  • Go for a walk or run
  • Listen to relaxing music
  • Yoga or meditation
  • And … think about what you like in these family members

This can improve your tolerance and enable you to respond thoughtfully to their criticisms.

2 - Set Boundaries

You can have the highest hopes, but your family members will inevitably remain their same ole selves.  That’s OK! Set some boundaries for yourself ahead of time.

  • Think ahead about who else may be at the gathering that you’d enjoy spending 1:1 time with and whom you can only handle in a group setting.
  • Decide how much time you want to spend at this gathering, an hour or two, maybe three?
  • Have a way out, and don’t catch a ride with someone who plans to stay till the wee hours. Rent a car or grab an Uber if needed.
  • Arrange for a friend to call you at a set time for a graceful exit. (I’ve used this strategy many times)

3- Keep Your Alcohol Consumption to a Minimum

I know this can be difficult at holiday gatherings and goes without saying, but for those in the back of the room, DON’T GET DRUNK.

People will become increasingly argumentative or aggressive as they continue to drink, making matters worse. Try to avoid others who are drinking excessively and slowly becoming belligerent.

You can pick them out of the crowd, they will become louder and louder and possibly be undressing in public!

4- Participant Observation

Become a participant observer, which, in science, is a qualitative data collection method that studies human behavior. When you can observe someone acting obnoxious in order to describe the scene later to a like-minded friend or close family member, it can become a fun and fascinating endeavor!    

5- Post-holiday Debriefing Session

I liken this to my military days, but it’s also mentioned on Oprah.com. Have a close friend or family member you can talk to (debrief) a few days after the event, including the good, the bad, and the ugly.

You’ll find yourself getting things off your chest and being able to laugh instead of cry over specific events.

When you talk out loud with a trusted friend, family member, or even therapist, you can find the humor in Aunt Lillian’s colorful description of your clothes, even though she believes it’s perfectly OK to wear a moo-moo with pink feathered slippers to dinner.

I stopped traveling for holidays about 15 years ago. With the increased expense, worry about flight delays, traveling with kids in potential snowstorms, what to do with the dogs, what to bring or wear, whom I would have to interact with, and many other little details I didn’t want to deal with. I yearned for a relaxed and stress-free holiday day.

So, years ago, I started volunteering at homeless shelters on Thanksgiving and Christmas, which gave me much joy at the time, and I planned visits with the family members I wanted to see in the summertime, which has worked out wonderfully all these years.

For those of you who will be seeing your families in the next few weeks, I hope this can help reduce any stress.

References/Resources

How Many Americans Are Traveling This Holiday Season — and How Much They're Spending

Participant Observation

5 Ways to Survive Your Next Family Gathering

 

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Sherri Perry APRN

About Sherri Perry APRN, MSN

Sherri Perry is a nurse practitioner and clinical director at CHE. She lives in Florida with her husband and teenage daughter. She comes from a large Italian family and is familiar with the chaos that can ensue at family gatherings.

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Specializes in Psych, Substance Abuse.

Good advice. I spent Christmas with friends, so I anticipated everything would go well. Well, my friends invited thier neighbors, and I felt attacked when I mentioned I was vegetarian. Out of respect, I did eat a tiny piece of goose and two of the quinoa/pork meatballs that the neighbor's wife made. (I wanted to purge afterward. LOL) However, her husband suggested this was a good time to explain that God gave us dominion over animals and he would one day like to kill his own meal. I had to bite my tongue the rest of the evening. Next time, I'll definitely have a friend call so I can exit gracefully.

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