First year RN, my confidence is wavering

[raean7]

Well, I've been off orientation for nearly six months on an intermediate unit. My orientation was plenty long, but I had so many preceptors that the information was incomplete if not flat out contradictory. Now, i'm in a position where I feel like I am giving my job 100% effort, but whether I have a good day or a bad day, I will hear criticism from my coworkers. I ask a lot of questions because I want to learn and understand how more experienced nurses reason so I can apply this to future problems. However, this curiosity seems to have gotten me labeled as confused or not experienced enough. I'm leaving my current job and hoping to start again on maybe a less critical floor to give myself time to build confidence, but I feel like I am going to keep doubting my skills because of this experience. My patients all say they love me caring for them, but my coworkers seem to talk behind my back and not to my face. Any advice?

[tarotale]

hey raean! i am sad to hear that you have not had good experience at your previous job. one thing I learned working in healthcare was that "everyone gets talked around" behind their backs, so it's best not to give anything to talk about. I made a mistake of running my mouth a little and found out that others talk about that; nothing unprofessional or danger to pts. just some of my thoughts on healthcare, philosophies etc. I am also relocating to new job, so I will definitely watch what I say; I know your intentions of questioning were good and valid, but your coworkers probably saw it as you were "confused". I know a coworker who always asks questions, seeks help when something happens, and I know she is going to be the best, caring nurse, but she has reputation as a "confused" nurse because she always seems panicky and requires feedback on some obvious things even a 6 months RN myself would do without advice (such as not administering -lols, -lils when hr or bp is low). but then again, pcu is a critical care so to be fair, you probably handle much acute pts compared to regular floor. anyways, all that made me rethink of the workplace, and especially mind the ps&qs around coworkers, b/c they all gossip!