First Code blue

There are certainly other areas of nursing you can work in that don't involve direct patient care. You just need to point your ship in that direction and sail those waters to it.

Bedside nursing is very difficult emotionally. Not only do we face the loss of the patients we have been caring for, but we are forced to face our own mortality as well. Codes are often ugly and chaotic and usually fail to save the life. So, they are definitely traumatic.

If you don't feel like you can function in a code, or if you feel it leaves you with too much post-traumatic stress, then you really should seek something away from the bedside. I certainly wouldn't judge you for that. I left ICU for emotional reasons at one time. So, I know what you're talking about.

Bedside nursing is the greatest nursing you will ever do. This is inarguable. But you have done it now, for 4 years. Perhaps it is time to move on to some other area--a better fit, so to speak.

However, maybe just leaving it isn't the whole answer. Maybe this is a challenge to you to face what it means to live and die in this world, and to realize the glorious part you play in caring for the sick and dying. This could be an opportunity for you to grown in that respect.

But you know your mind better than I do. And I wish you luck in whichever way you go.

First of all, great job noticing your patient needed help and calling an ERT! Second, first codes are never easy. I'll never forget the first time I had a patient who coded. Emotional distress is quite common. Many hospitals do a post-code debrief for this reason. Do you have a clinical nurse specialist or a nurse educator that you can hash out your feelings and debrief with? Many employers also have an employee assistance program, and this is a very good reason to seek out support there. Any assistance you receive falls under HIPAA.

But, as EGspirit said, you know your mind best. One of the wonderful things about nursing is that there is such a diverse range of fields to specialize in.

I think most nurses feel the way you do after their patient codes. One thing to keep in mind is that your patient is sick. That is why they are in the hospital, and sometimes despite your best efforts, they get sicker and code.

Would you consider seeking counselling to help with your feelings? Does your employer offer debriefing services? I would highly recommend using them. I know I did after my first patient coded. It's helpful to have someone listen without judgement. The other thing, if you have a good relationship with the primary physician is to talk it over with them and discuss what happened physiologically with the patient. I found it helped me understand what happened.

thank you