Figure out next step as a nurse... lack confidence

[futureRN33]

Hi, I graduated about a year and a half ago from nursing school and have always lacked confidence in my abilities. I did well in school, but I think realizing I had someone's life in my hands really freaked me out. I worked as a nurse on a stepdown unit for a little over a year. Granted this was during COVID and it felt like I was rushed through my orientation, but I continued to lack confidence in myself and my abilities. I started becoming increasingly anxious at work, on the way to work, and at home. I was always worried about the "what ifs". "What if I forgot something" or "what if I did something wrong that could cause harm to a patient"? Many of my nurse colleagues expressed that it would come with time, but I continue to feel that way. Recently, I moved to another area and was hoping that the change would be good for me. I started a new job as a clinic nurse but I was working way too many hours and my anxiety was starting to flare up again. Now I don't know what to do. I am terrified to go back into the hospital worried that my anxiety will continue to worsen and I will continue to feel incompetent. I am a people person and love talking with my patients, but it is when it comes to the actual medical part of patient care that is where it scares me. Any advice on the types of positions you would recommend or if someone has been through a similar experience and how they overcame it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. 

[Br8]

I really wish someone would have answered this for you?. I’ve been a nurse for two years and I can relate to everything you said in its entirety. I also started out at the hospital and my anxiety and feelings of incompetence lead me crying many days on my way to work and when I left work. Especially if I made minor mistakes or didn’t know something that I thought I should. Seasoned nurses say it’s OK to not know it all, and that I will learn by experience, but that’s what’s scary for me. I never enjoyed my off days, because I would spend it being overly anxious thinking about what things were going to happen when I return to work. I too am a great people person and great when it comes to interacting and showing empathy to my patients, but again, like you, the medical part of it and realizing I’m responsible for someone’s life is what I dread. I often question my career choice because of this. I would like to commend you on feeling this way, but still completing a year at the hospital(during Covid at that!) That was very brave of you. I didn’t stay that long at the hospital and have since tried multiple fields to overcome this feeling of nurse anxiety to no avail.  I would like to know if you have since overcome this at all and if so, how did you?