Feeling guilty for taking a breather!

[Jmiami]

I work full time, go to school part time, have a two year old with all the fun responsibilities. I am having issues with feeling guilty when I take time away from work and school for myself or my daughter.

My normal day looks something like this: Wake up, make bfast for my daughter and I, study for a couple hours while she plays. An hour or so of housework. An hour or so of exclusive time with my daughter in which we go outside and play. Then it's lunch, get ready for work, get daughter down for her nap. Then I leave for work until tenish. I get home around 11, study for an hour or so, shower and eat something. Once a week we have a "fun day" where I don't have to work and we do something my daughter has picked out. I'll do my morning study session, study during her nap, and after she goes to bed. The other day off is probably about 5 or 6 hours of studying, housework and any other family responsibilities - grocery shopping, laundry etc.

On days when I "cheat" like today, when we stayed out all day having fun and there was no nap (she's at the age when sometimes she doesn't, so some of these days I'm losing 2-3 hours of study time), and I float around all nurses or something instead of studying I feel so guilty and can't even enjoy my time. Even on days that I work when I take more than an hour of time with my daughter I feel guilty and can't really enjoy it.

WTH?

[Tarabara]

That was probably one of the worst parts about nursing school was the constant overwhelming feeling in the back of my mind that I should be doing something. I too could never truly enjoy any free time and always felt guilty. I'm sorry I cant really say anything to make that feeling go away but know that you're definitely not alone. And once you're finally done you'll appreciate your free time so much more!

[Jmiami]

btw I'm only in school part time, pre-nursing. I LOVE it and can't wait to begin a program, also part time. Working through it. I manage to fit in 20-30 hours of study a week between work and life. I'm getting A's, except for college algebra, in which I'm getting a B. I feel like total crap that I can't spend as much time with my daughter as I do studying every day, but know it'll be worth it. Then again, sometimes I think that these are the precious times that I'm missing. You can't bring the years back. She'll only be 2 once. The other side of me says to "keep on keepin on" as my great grandma used to say, because we'll have a better life and she'll have a happier momma in a few years when this is all over.

[Jmiami]

Thank you! You explained it really well. I always feel like I should be "doing" something. I feel better, at least I know that I'm not alone in this experience. I just wanted to see if anyone else experienced this borderline obsessive behavior when it came to school. I really WANT this and my drive just takes over. I have to remember to compartimentalize (I think I just made up the spelling for that word...ha!) things and designate time for work, school, even my daughter. I just feel like a schmuck "scheduling" play time for her and not being able to exceed that scheduled amount of time for fear of grades suffering. I want to make sure there's a little bit of every activity (work, school, house responsibilities, daughter/family time) in there so I feel like I'm enjoying the JOURNEY of nursing school as much as I'll enjoy the end result of being a nurse. Otherwise I"ll look back on the missed childhood of my daughter and general disconnect from my life other than school. I want to live now, as well as later, and do well in school. I must be crazy for thinking that, because I see all these posts from people drudging through school. I'm having a pretty decent time right now! Except for the nagging guilt and non-supportive partner )