Feeling Guilty- Desperately Need Opinions

[Sue Damonas]

I have a hospice pt with cholangiocarcinoma. She was my palliative pt for 1 1/2 months. She is a nurse and is very controlling and demanding. I am just so exhausted with caring for her all this time. She finally decided to go on hospice and because she is declining so quickly I have her on daily visits. I'm off this weekend and believe me, I need it, besides being so mentally exhausted I have a lot of errands to run and I'm taking care of a friend of mine who has ovarian cancer. I told her today that someone else would be seeing her over the weekend and she got very angry with me because she only trusts me. The nurse who will be seeing her has seen her before. She begged me to see her over the weekend and I'm so badly in need of a break and she doesn't live close to me. Also, I'm on call Labor day night and have a horrible caseload on Tuesday. I asked everyone not to let her know that I'm the one call that night because she'll call me all night long. Am I horrible for feeling this way? I just can't work all night and all day anymore. What does everyone think?

[shrinky]

Sorry for your loss, you did an excellent job caring for her. Some of our nurses give out their cell and home phone numbers to patients which is not my practice. There was one patient I gave my number to, but her caregiver did not call me after hours. She went through the call system, but I knew she would not abuse the trust I gave her. We can get so caught up in our patients and them in us and burnout occurs. So glad you took care of yourself and never feel bad about taking a break. Take care and good luck.:redpinkhe

[nurseday7]

I think one of the most challenging aspects of hospice nursing for me, is realizing it is not my responsibility as a nurse to 'fix' everything. You are feeling responsible for her feelings. You can be compassionate and understanding, w/out taking responsibility for everything she feels or wants...I think sometimes we actually provide a disservice when we try to do that, because we may be hindering possible growth, processing, or learning by trying to alleviate all discomfort. This is her life journey, we are there to walk the path with them, not for them. This has been a hard lesson for me. a possible solution would be sharing this pt with another RN. I did that with one of my patients...it made all the difference in the world.