Feedback on my Personal Statement for MSN/FNP program requested.

[Hikingonthru]

(To the moderators: apologies for the cross posting, but the other forum did not generate too many responses. Hoping for more here as I have to have my app. package in soon!)

Hello to all. My name is Hikingonthru. I have been a nurse for seven years...five of those in critical care. I am applying for a MSN program, FNP track for this Fall. As you may guess, my personal statement has been more than a little challenge. I would greatly appreciate any feedback at all you may have. The question is just as it appears on the application. There is no guidance or parameters other than the broad question:

Why do you want to pursue a degree in your chosen field of study?

As I consider why I have chosen to pursue a Master's of Science in Nursing degree and become a Family Nurse Practitioner, I think of the story told of my grandfather as a young man, starting life as a sharecropper, planting a tree. Coming in from a long day of plowing in the fields, he had paused at the edge of the yard to plant a small oak sapling. A visiting neighbor had asked him, "Do you think you'll ever get to enjoy its shade?" His reply had been simply, "I might not, but someone else might want to." Planting trees whose shade others would enjoy, sitting up all night to comfort the sick or pausing in his own work to help a neighbor were kindnesses typical of my grandfather. He always sought to give more than he received. My grandfather passed these same values on to me. These days, when I stand in the shade of that oak, I consider how his legacy of service to others, his vision beyond his own lifetime and his sense of community responsibility are a part of me. It is natural that my desire to continue the legacy of my grandfather has led me to a career in the helping professions.

I was first drawn to nursing as I began to practice as a young mental health counselor. While working for a state mental health agency, I had the privilege of working with two superb nurses. The manner in which these nurses carried out their nursing duties and lived their lives was inspiring. Part of my duties included teaming with these nurses to provide intense community-based care to persons with severe chronic and persistent mental illness. The grateful manner in which these nurses were received in the community impressed me. This was my first experience seeing the actual implementation of the nursing process at all levels of the patients' care needs; psychiatric, spiritual, physical and social. It was also the first time I experienced the life-affirming impact a nurse can have on a patient. One particular instance stands out to me. Upon arriving at a patient's home, we learned the patient's mother had just passed away. The patient was distraught over the fact that she had no dress shoes to wear to her mother's funeral. After administering the patient's medication, the nurse with me used every connection she had to procure a pair of dress shoes for the patient. After delivering the shoes, the nurse simply sat with the patient all afternoon. While returning to the office, the nurse looked at me and said, "Being a good nurse means meeting the patient wherever they are." That observation has remained a part of me during my career as a healthcare provider. In addition to the competent patient care these two nurses provided on the job, each donated hours of their time giving nursing care to underserved populations. Their skill and effort made a tangible, measurable difference in the lives of people on many levels. As a result of their example and encouragement, I made the decision to augment my own education with an Associate's Degree in Nursing.

As a nursing student and immediately following graduation, I had the good fortune to interact with a number of excellent nurses who had earned a Master's of Science in Nursing (MSN) degree. Most of the faculty members who taught me held MSN degrees. I'd often corner them between and after class to learn about their experiences earning their degrees and working in their chosen specialty. The stirrings of a desire to earn my own MSN degree were beginning. As a staff nurse on an orthopedic/medical-surgical floor, and later on the intensive care unit, I developed a solid professional identity as a nurse. My conviction that nursing was my calling was affirmed daily in my work. Then, as now, I am ever amazed at the profound impact we, as nurses, have on the lives of our patients. In my duties as a staff nurse, I began to interact with nurses who held graduate degrees and worked in the hospital or clinic setting. I met Nurse Practitioners, Clinical Nurse Specialists, Nursing Administrators and Nurse Educators. Once again, I found myself questioning any and all who would share with me about their experiences earning their MSN degree, about the nursing role they currently held and about the impact they had on patient care. I spoke with nurse practitioners working in a wide variety of clinical settings such as acute care, cardiology, neurology and family practice. All with whom I spoke were proud of their roles as nurse practitioners. At the same time, I was interacting more frequently with residents who quite often asked the critical care nurse, me included, for treatment recommendations regarding patients. I began to consider how much better I could serve my patients as nurse practitioner. By this time, I had been a nurse for six years and had developed a clear picture of what I wanted professionally. I knew that to achieve to my professional goals of practicing at the level I desired, while serving others in the community, I needed to become a Family Nurse Practitioner.

As a Family Nurse Practitioner, I will be able to broaden my scope of practice while still applying the principles of nursing to patient care. I will be able to expand my role as care provider and health educator for my patients. Having seen firsthand the positive influence of nurse practitioners providing health education during clinic visits, I look forward to expanding this role in my own practice someday.

Being a Family Nurse Practitioner will allow me to invest in my patients throughout their lifespan. I will be better able to partner with them at each stage of their development, promoting health and disease prevention, in addition to helping them during periods of acute illness.

As a Family Nurse Practitioner, I will have the skills, knowledge and flexibility to serve populations for whom I have a heart. I have always felt working with underserved populations, such as the rural poor, is part of my calling as a nurse. In addition, I have a strong interest in furthering point-of-care nursing competencies when providing cross-cultural/multi-cultural nursing care to diverse populations.

As a Family Nurse Practitioner, I will be better able to serve the community, locally and globally. I have served on the mission field prior to becoming a nurse. There seems to always be a need for competent practitioners abroad and here in America. Such medical missions hold a strong appeal for me. As a Family Nurse Practitioner, I will be able to participate more productively in providing medical care in underdeveloped parts of the world as well as underserved populations the region.

Having decided that I wanted to pursue my MSN degree and become a Family Nurse Practitioner, I set about planning for success in the endeavor. I firmly believe that I am personally accountable to the School of Nursing faculty, ______ University, my employer, my family and myself to do all I can to succeed in the MSN program. I am currently completing my Bachelor's of Science in Nursing (BSN) degree. Thus far, I have a 3.92 GPA. Last year, upon the advice of several respected physicians and nurse practitioners, I moved my employment to a larger teaching hospital to increase my breadth of clinical experience and further develop my network within the community of healthcare professionals. This experience has been invaluable. Each time I have attended college, I have worked in addition to my studies. Presently, I attend college full-time, work full-time and am a full-time husband and father. I am active in my sons' lives through Cub Scouts and sports. I am an active member of my local church. My time management and prioritization skills are honed. I am fully capable of balancing the demands of school. work and family. In addition, I have built my support base among my family, friends and colleagues. My wife is supportive and encouraging of my desire to become a nurse practitioner. I have actively balanced my life to ensure that I have the highest probable chance of success in the MSN degree program.

Looking back, it is easy to see my life experiences, personally and professionally, culminating with my application to Family Nurse Practitioner track of the MSN degree at _____University's School of Nursing. The decision comes after long and careful consideration of the many educational opportunities available in nursing today. I have the skills and ability to complete the degree. I have the support of friends, family and colleagues. Moreover, I have the determination to see this program through to its completion. When I set out to complete a goal, in my mind it is as good as completed the moment I begin. I plan my work and work my plan; step by step, mindful of others, flexible, yet enduring until the goal is achieved. It is with this tenacity and sense of purpose that I will apply myself to the MSN degree program at _____ University

[finkydj]

sounds great to me, awesome job...might be a tad late in responding

[UVA Grad Nursing]

I would caution against using the identical application for all programs (except for the name of school). I am the Assistant Dean for Admissons/Financial Aid, and my University receives 400+ applications per year for our various grad programs (Direct Entry, MSN, DNP, PhD). It is obvious to our admissons committee that an applicant has written an general essay (and just plugged in the name of school).

Look on the websites of the programs and get a flavor for what that school's 'signature approach' might be. Are there any particular research/practice programs that make that School stand out? What is the particular reason that you are applying to that school? Are there any faculty who are 'stars' in the field that you want to pursue?

I would recommend tailoring each essay to the School that you are applying to. We notice whether someone has done their research and make a good argument why OUR program is better for them than the 150 other FNP programs in the US. We received 50+ applications for our FNP program this year (for 15 spaces), so our admissions committee has looked for those who are the best match to what our program offers.

If you do use a generic essay for all schools, by all means make sure you send the right essay to the right school. Each year we receive several essays with the wrong school name in the Merge Fields. That leads to an automatic rejection of the application. If an applicant makes an error by putting the wrong essay in the wrong envelope (or upload the wrong essay in an online application), how can we be assured that they will not make errors in practice.