Families of patients can be quite cruel!

[Lahryn04]

I just wanted to share an incident that happened recently at work involving myself and a patients family member. I don't know how you all feel, but personally I'd almost always rather deal with a needy/grouchy/mean/annoying, etc... patient than their family. Anyway, here is a bit of background. I work on a surgical floor, mainly ortho but we do get random other surgical patients. This patient in particular was actually an abdominal sx and in his 50's. I started taking care of him from the second day he was admitted. At that time he had already had one sx and was feeling pretty awful. His color was terrible, he ran a high fever on and off, and had lost quite a bit of blood. He just felt awful and you could tell just by looking at him. He was the sweetest man and was truly scared of what was happening to him. He was my most critical patient that night (and pretty much the most critical that whole week) and plus he had no visitors. I made a point to make sure he had what he needed whether it be pain/anxiety medication, a warm blanket, or just someone to talk to. We definitely had a good rapport and I really cared for this man and his well being. I felt I went above and beyond when it came to his care. Now lets fast forward to the end of the 2nd week of taking care of him. He had had 2 more surgeries but actually was doing better than he ever had. I finally got to meet his wife for the first time. This is where the problem began. I had gotten to work at 1900, made my rounds (she wasn't in the room at this time), and then started my assessments and first med pass. I was in another room when a coworker called me to let me know that this patients wife was out in the hall demanding to see his RN and that her husbands pain meds were late. First of all that idea of PRN medications being late is just ludicrous but I know lay people have a hard time sometimes understanding that concept. As soon as I was finished in the one room I went directly to his room. That's when his wife unloaded on me, telling me I'm a crappy nurse and that he told her I did this to him last night and wouldn't let him have his meds on time, and I had better go get them right this instant and he better have them again earlier than 2 hours because I made him wait etc... Mind you this PRN medication was only 15 min "late". The whole time this is going on the patient is sleeping peacefully. I went to go get his meds and broke down in the med room. I don't think I would have so upset if I didn't have such a good relationship with this person... I felt hurt, betrayed, lied to, and only about a foot tall. This really crushed me. My coworker ended up giving the pain meds and apparently said something to the wife about the way she had treated me. By then the patient had woken up and was mad at his wife for doing that to me, which made me feel much better and by the end of my shift she was apologizing profusely. I know it's a scary time for patients and families to be so ill in the hospital but I was just wondering if anything similar has happened to any of you, how it made you feel and how you handled it? Oh and I do apologize for the book I have just written!! :-)

[Sun0408, ASN, RN]

Is this issue still bothering you? I see you re-posted this again. It has been several weeks and you really need to let it go. I'm not being rude. Things can eat away at you if you let it. You did a good job from what you wrote.

You said it correctly when you stated "it's a scary time for pts and their families". Try not to take it personally, you did nothing wrong. The wife was not there for most of his hospital stay and was probably feeling guilty. This was her displaced way of making herself feel better. This is her issue, not yours.

How to handle this, explain what PRN means, educate them that surgery does hurt and pain medication will NOT take away all their pain but we will do your best to keep them comfortable. Also explain as long as vitals are stable, resp rate/sats are WNL you will medicate when asked BY the pt.. Families can be pushy, just be frank but understanding but make sure it is safe to give before doing so, don't let them pressure you into medicating..

[Lahryn04]

Thanks for your reply, but no it's not still bothering me! Sorry for the repost... I had this written and saved on my computer and forgot that I had already posted it! Immediately after I reposted this it took me to my threads and I realized my mistake! Yes, if you're wondering, I am a natural blonde! And apparently use too many exclamation points. (I just noticed that!). I'm not quite sure how to delete this post so if you know how, please let me know. Thanks so much!

[Sun0408, ASN, RN]

I think the admin's have to do it :)

Glad its a non-issue too.. I know we take too much home with us and it is hard to let some things go