Extreme anxiety as a Nursery Nurse

[Almostnurse755]

Hi everyone. I really just need to vent. I am writing because I am just not feeling very well. I’ve been a nurse for a year now. I worked as a telemetry nurse, however, I took an interest in women’s health/OB after my clinical experiences. Of course, it was nearly impossible for me to get into that area as a new grad. So I worked where I was hired, and grew to love it. I made friends, learned a lot, and grew. One day I decided to approach the OB department. To my surprise, I was offered a job in the nursery. I thought I would enjoy it, but deep down, I knew I would miss those who I worked with.

I don’t know what’s happening now. I feel sick going to work. The people are somewhat nice, but my preceptor seems completely disinterested in making sure I understand what is really going on. I have 0 experience with babies. But often, I’ve been thrown in situations I’m uncomfortable being in. I feel stupid doing what is probably the simplest of tasks for most. Maybe I’m just sensitive, but I embarrass easily and when I’m being put on the spot to do things I’m just not ready for, I want to clock out and never come back. My tele preceptor was phenomenal and made sure to stand by me until she knew and I felt comfortable and we are good friends to this day. I am not having the same experience. I wish I could just get s full run down of the day and routine. But nope, I was told to figure it out. I’ll be told that I forgot to do something, even I really just never was told I had to. I learn more from watching her and the other nurses educate the patients than from what I’m being taught. She will explain something once and expect me to remember it all and do it on my own, and that’s just not the case when it comes to babies and potentially hurting them. I feel like an incredible failure. I don’t remember a lot of the OB material, so I try to come home and look up what I question, which makes me feel like there’s just not enough time on my off days to recover. I wish my hospital invested more in education. A few of my friends in OB were given classes before landing on the floor. I find myself desperately clinging on to every hour because I want to be at home. I feel I can’t help my patients because I barely remember and are not confident in teaching anything. I’m nearly in tears writing this because I don’t know if it’s me, or if I even have a valid reason to feel the way I do. Everyone keeps saying it hadn’t been long enough to make that decision, but how much longer until I accidentally hurt a baby and lose my license? Maybe I just hate the newness and I’m worried I’ll never get it. I’m worried I look awkward, which I always do but still, because it’s unnatural for me. I was told nursery nurses should have children. Maybe I’m too inexperienced.

Im worried I made a huge mistake. I used to love going to work. I used to love feeling like I made a difference and the friends I made. And I now hate it. I took the position as it was a door to exploring womens health, which is one of the tracks i hoped to explore during my masters program. But I’m too anxious to really even go to work and see myself ever enjoying it. I wish I could just go back to tele and what I’m used to. Maybe it’s for the best.

Any advice?

[NurseCard, ADN]

Have you talked to the OB manager about how you are feeling? Maybe ask for a new preceptor? That's my best advice. Or, can you just go back to the tele floor?