Real Life and Death

nurseraya1

Nurses are often viewed as kindhearted lifesavers...angels in scrubs. Still others view us as hard, harsh, impatient and to the point. Well, please allow me to give you just a small glimpse into our world; for its all too real and grossly misunderstood.

Imagine the chaotic, yet organized scene as and ambulance gurney rolls through the bay doors. You find yourself sweating, heart racing as you instinctively jump into action. You straddle and ride aside the gurney, compressing a small chest, trying with everything you have to save a child's life, knowing that despite your valiant attempts, it will be futile in the end...

But you continue for the sake of the mother and father praying in the background that their child makes it; bartering with whomever for that one shot in the dark. So you continue compressing the fragile chest, assisting with ventilations, pushing medications, placing tubes and lines wherever you can...knowing in your head that life is already gone...his soul still lingers in the room...you get a chill, perhaps it's the child begging you to stop. Time flies, yet ticks by so slowly until the code is called; attempts to save the young life, not long ago, so full of hope...now terminated, time of death frustratingly and begrudgingly announced.

Now the time has come to transform into the nurse with the comforting arms that hold tight the father, mother, sister and brother as they fall apart, crumbling into a million pieces. Hot tears soaking your hair and streaming down your neck, body wracking sobs surely forever to haunt you. But you won't let go; you can't, for you are their sole lifeline between life and death, joy and sorrow, hope, heartache and reality. It's all one in the same really. You hope and pray for the best, most times knowing the "best" in reality is actually the worst. But you do it anyway. They don't know, but we do. Oh the heartache, the gut-wrenching wails, fists pounding on walls, begging to take their place; they can't though, they have to let go, unwilling and unprepared. We weep with them whilst trying to be strong.... Sorry we couldn't save him. We're not God, though they think we have that power... We don't and we're so sorry for it.

While you're attempting to comfort the family, another team member is trying to make the now motionless body presentable for loved ones, hoping to somewhat ease the pain. Alas, no amount of preparation can soften that final punch to the gut, squeezing of the heart or calm the complete mind **** to ensue. We're sorry it isn't enough, so, so sorry. When you leave, taking one less family member with you, a toe tag is placed to identify the young life that once was...a tag, on a toe...how unjustified; you're now identified by a slip of paper. I'll fill out a stack of paperwork and make countless phone calls before I'm able to release your cold, blue and battered body to the mortuary or coroner. The dreaded ring of the radio is heard in the background, time to move on to the next life... hopefully we can save you.

We've finally reached the end of another shift; it's now time to go home. You hug your loved ones a bit tighter and try to sleep off the tragic events of the shift. You pray for peace for the families affected and pray the ones you couldn't save don't torment your dreams. Nightmares are sure to ensue... What could we have done differently? Probably nothing, but the questions will continue to bombard your brain. Sleep; please take me, for the burden is far too great....

Real Life and Death

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