Elder Goldbrickers ?

[dnnc52]

okay i am getting a bit personal about this situation but here goes: my mother in law dies last year and father in law who was dx with mild dementia was then place into an assisted living center. the care seems to be okay, good food great activities, pt, very clean and highly thought of by the local community. but when he arrived at the facility, still in grief, he became friends with another resident who happens to be a lady who also has dementia. did not have much family support and was placed at the center by the local sheriff dept, they have the poa with her assets. now my father in law has a good nest egg. it seems that the lady daughter is aware of the financial security of my father in law and the lady friend is now getting money anytime she asks my father in law. to me this is elder abuse? this is not a complaint by selfish relatives on his part. my wife and her sister are not wanting a piece of the pie. they just want to make sure that he has enough money to supply his needs and to stay in the assisted living and then as time goes on perhaps a more advance care if needed. i do not work in the assisted living or nursing home situations although i do work geri-medical in the hospital. but i don't see the usual interactions that occur. have any of you folks seen this type of dilemma, any ideas? in spite of his dx mild dementia he has not been deemed incompetent and his children don't want to go to this extreme. he likes his environment did not want to live with a care giver or with his family. thanks

[oldladyRN]

I think you mean gold"digger". The kids need to have a talk with dad. He is in a very vulnerable position right now. He lost his wife, is probably very lonely, and has now attracted a companion and her opportunistic daughter.

If he is still deemed "competent", then it's his money and he can throw it out the window if he wants to.

Because this money is ear-marked to help pay for his stay and his expenses through the end of his life, his living relatives would need to do some research and possibly consult with an attorney to see what the best course of action would be (assuming that there are any other options). I believe he would need to be declared "incompetent" in order for a POA to be appointed and limit his access to $$$.

I hope this helps. I know that it can be frustrating as well as heartbreaking. My own father met and married a "golddigger" within 3 yrs of my mother passing, and he was completely in his right mind. There was $100,000.00 in the bank when my mother died (from all her scrimping and saving), and it was all gone within 2 years after he met the new wife. They're still married, 23 years later, but they live in separate cities and in separate houses. He's 80 years old now and still in his right mind, so you just have to scratch your head and wonder.

I really am sorry about your situation. I hope you are able to get the help you need. I really despise people that prey on those that are vulnerable.

oldladyRN

[dnnc52]

Thanks for your reply and concern, AARP should have some know about how common this practice is and I still feel it's a form of Finacial Elder Abuse. Oh well..

[LEN-RN]

I am not sure what AARP has to do with it??

But the facility should have a social worker. I would contact the social worker. Your father in law is being taken advantage of. He is in a place to keep him safe, that includes his material things. He needs someone to look after his financial things, and yes, the facility needs to be aware. There are laws regarding assets and medical assistance. For instance if your father in law goes into a nursing home with alot of money, gives it away, then seeks medical assistance to live in the nursing home, not good. I am not sure about the exact law, but I know it can be cause some serious trouble.(to him but to the person he gives his money to) But if he lives with you for 2 years, and gives all his money and assets to you in your name, he can move to an facility and receive medical assistance. So I would definitely contact the social worker and make sure they are aware. They should provide some guidance. And they dont want to be left with a resident who has no money.

[CapeCodMermaid, RN]

I was really hoping this WAS about gold brickers!...how about old people who are malingerers? All to willing to let someone do for them when they are more than capable of doing for themselves.

Have your family contact an attorney IF you all truly believe he is being taken advantage of. It's HIS money and if he is in his right mind and it makes him feel good/important/wanted if he spends it on someone else there's not much y'all can do.

[dnnc52]

Yes I did mean Gold Diggers Sorry.

[keithjones]

let him know once the money is gone he's going to end up in the not so nice nursing home down the road! may seem mean but not as mean as standing by and watching it happen!