Don't feel like I am good enough!

[amraebrown]

I have talked to pretty much all of my family members and friends for support but I don't know what to think of myself anymore. I figured that I would give this website a shot since all of y'all are nurses and maybe we can relate somehow....

I am a VERY good student... I rarely ever got B's in high school, they were mostly A's. I did excellent in college with grades... but once my science classes hit, it was hard for me to get an A. I so badly want to become a registered nurse but I am thinking lately that I am not able to do it... I have always had a really hard time with science. The prereqs we need at our community college for the RN program are based off of your scores in A&P 1&2, Microbiology, and English 101. I received a B- in A&P 1 the first time, and the first time I took A&P 2 I got a D. I should of dropped it. The first time I was taking it along with two other classes and working 35 hours a week, it was just too much to handle and I know that knocked me down several points for the nursing program. I got a B+ in Microbiology, and an A in English 101. I retook A&P 1 again to try for an A- but got a B- once again, and I retook A&P 2 again (obviously, I have never gotten a D in my life and that was the worst thing that ever happened to me) and got a C+. I applied last Fall for the program and was rejected, and applied for the spring and was rejected once again. Our program advisor told me to retake A&P 1&2 AGAIN and get A-'s in both, and redo English 101 for an A+....... here's the deal. School is my life. I put ALL of my effort into these classes. I have no friends because I have no time to hang out with friends. I rarely get to see my family because I was studying so much, and when I wasn't studying I was at work. I became addicted to studying because I was striving so hard to get an excellent grade, and I have never had a problem in my life with not being able to keep my grades up. But those darn A&P classes, the BEST I could do was a B- and a C+.... tried different profs, asked questions, spent lots of hours in lab..... so my conclusion is I must be STUPID! My parents (mostly my Dad) is frustrated with me because he can't understand why I can't get into the program. I have sat down with the program advisor numerous times and she just tells me to retake classes. I can't improve if I am putting my ALL into it.... obviously, I have retaken those classes and much of a difference hasn't been made. I am very frustrated and everytime I look at my transcript I want to cry!

I so badly want to be a nurse. All I care about is making sure other people are comfortable and to see them get well... to provide genuine care for people. I have been working for a small AFH for the past 8 months and working with early and late stage Alzheimers and Dementia patients. That is really the only experience I have as a CNA. In the meantime I want to devote all of my work efforts into a CNA position, and something a bit more fast paced and in an environment where I can work with lots of sick people. Anyway I had an interview at our local hospital today for a CNA position (this is my 7th time applying for a job here and now I got an interview) and they made me feel like I wasn't qualified enough for the job during the interview. They asked me if I could work with ostomys, catheters, feeding tubes.... and I haven't had the chance to do this yet at the AFH. They just made me feel underqualified and I felt like maybe I had wasted their time. They said that HR would contact me with an answer. And I'm just afraid that if I do get the position, what if I somehow screw up and someone gets hurt or I am just not good enough to take on the position? What if I haven't been able to get into the nursing program because this isn't the field I should be going into simply because I am not smart enough for it??? But this is truly my passion!! Nothing warms my heart more than helping someone to feel better...

I don't know what to do. Of course I will reapply to the program next fall but more than likely I won't get in... I dont want to retake classes for the third time, put in an equal amount of effort (trust me, I studied ALL the time) and do the same or worse. I have researched several other schools in the area as well and I am looking into other career fields such as a surgical technician. In the meantime I will be waiting for a call back from the hospital as well but I think they have already made their decision with me... I just need advice and need to know if anyone else has ever felt this way because I am really discouraged... but I know winners never quit and quitters never win and this is WHAT I WANT! I'm just hurt by all the rejection.

[MommaNurse26, LPN]

Its all about perspective my dear...

You are not alone!

Several years ago I started RN pre-reqs... I was an A student until I hit my first Bio class. I tried EVERYTHING to pass. I studied and cried and studied and studied... And to no avail half way through the class realized it was time to drop before I took a nasty D in the class.

With that said (being a religious person) I drove home from the last bio class I would attend completely defeated and doubting myself. I just could not comprehend why if God wanted me to go into nursing I was failing so miserably while putting forth everything I had to get into it. After a long winded prayer on the way home I suddenly felt peaceful about it. I let it go and decided to wait. A few short months later I realized though a series of coincidental/personal events that I was suppose to go to LPN school... So, I did. I graduated with High Academic Honors and flew through every class I had.

Moral of my story was that yes it was meant for me to become a nurse, I just needed to take a different path. I do not know if you are religious but if you are consider this - What if all this doubt and second guessing yourself and stuff you are going through is just one more step towards becoming a nurse that appreciates the profession that much more?

Now, if you are not religious forget all of that and remember this: You can do this! It may not feel like it now - but you can do it! It is hard and you are frustrated and the goal seems so far away but trust me when I say this to you - Its not as far as it looks and before you know it you will be well into being a nurse and look back on your struggles and think "Thank God, I didnt let that ridiculous hiccup stop me... "

In the words of Thomas Edison

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

[MommaNurse26, LPN]

PS - as for being a CNA - dont worry you will get hired if not by this company another will take a shot with you. In the meantime, you could try volunteering with a LTC or a hospice a few hours a week to add to the resume and give you something positive and concrete to talk about during interviews.

I started as a caregiver then became a CNA then became an LPN and soon will be back in RN school.

You got this in the bag even if you dont believe it - I DO!

[amraebrown]

Wow, thank you SO much for your post. I really appreciate it. Today is a better day after the interview. I just felt like I really didn't have what they were looking for... but yet curious as to why they wanted to interview me in the first place. Like I said, they didn't give me a yes or no yet, so.. we'll see what happens. I'm just afraid that if they offer me the job and I take it (of course I would)... I wouldn't know everything they would want me to know right away. Do you know if the hospital is willing to train qualified candidates to do things such as ostomy care, catheter care, feeding tubes or do LTC facilities usually train you in these things? Of course I have read up on how to do them but I need to watch someone actually do it before I would feel comfortable doing it myself.......

I also received an email from a community college that wants me to apply for their surgical technologist program. I almost wonder if I should go with this route... I would find it very interesting. But then again, I would probably beat myself up for not trying the RN program. I just feel like I have alot to work out and I am one of those people who always want a stable plan in place! I think I am a bit OCD.... LOL.

[MommaNurse26, LPN]

Well, for hospitals generally they want someone experienced. But ostomies believe me only take once or twice doing them before you are pretty good at it - its just one of those things you learn quickly not to mess up lol. Cath care is simple as long as you always remember to keep the cloth, you and the patient "clean". Feeding tubes in my state is more of a nursing thing but I know some states have the CNAs turn the pumps off and d/c to get a patient changed and then the CNA restarts the machine - that takes practice, asking questions and learning by doing to get down.

Overall, we all and I mean CNA's, LPN's and I imagine RNs, doctors, etc get the nerves when we first get out there. Its a terrifying thought to know that one of our mistakes can harm a patient - HOWEVER, its the people that worry about this that are the truly excellent healthcare workers as they are very careful with how they act before they act... So to speak.

You will get over this - in time. When I was a CNA it only took me a few months to get over it. As a practicing nurse of one year I still experience it every time I am faced with something new. And according to the posts I have read from more experienced nurses this too shall pass.

If you want to surg tech go for it. BUT base your decision on what your passion, dream and career goal is. Dont go to a different area of healthcare if you know that what you really want is something else. Dont let your fear stop you nor slow you down.

[CalicoKitty, BSN, MSN, RN]

I would apply for more schools. Nursing schools can only handle so many students at a time. There are many people applying for each nursing school spot. Some schools will put more of an emphasis on your overall GPA, while others may focus on your science GPA, experience, personal statements or recommendation letters.

Many nursing schools are "HESI based". They require passing "practice NCLEX" types of tests as part of their curriculum. So, for many classes there are test-based study guides. The HESI and NCLEX tests are primarily multiple-choice tests (often looking for the "more correct" or "best" option). Perhaps there are study guides for A&P that you could get with practice test questions and answers. If you aren't used to using study guides, you will get used to them for NCLEX prep.

Many programs will have different requirements for acceptance into their programs, so you may need to complete other prerequisites for them. So, rather than repeating A&P, you may want to fill that time taking care of other required courses (that will transfer).

[Psychcns]

Studying for science classes requires memorizing...this was an eyeopener for me...Have you explored finding someone to tutor you? Or maybe you could get tested on your learning style...maybe you should be studying a certain kind of way....Pls don't give up. science is not hard but it can be tedious...maybe you don't like this kind of learning...I used to study with groups for tests, especially science tests..this helped too..And some teachers and colleges are easier than others...maybe you could find something on the easy side and have it transfer.....good luck..