Does it Get Better?

[dfc86]

I'm a new grad RN, obtained my license in February. I have never been a PCT at a hospital; fortunately got a job in the ER at a small hospital. The internship is roughly for 3 months. Although nursing school prepared us with content, it really didn't prepare me at all in the real world of nursing. I've been told I am doing a great job but I feel differently. I am so eager to get on the experienced RN's level.. but I know it takes plenty of time and experience; even seasoned nurses learn something new.

I feel so incompetent, stupid, alone, and I just want to quit sometimes.

When doctors speak to me about a patient, sometimes I'm thinking to myself "What the f*ck is he talking about? Omg, when am I ever going to catch up." Does it get better? I want to thrive and become a safe, smart nurse one day.

Some doctors are so rude for no reason, it prevents me from asking them, so instead I look it up or ask my preceptor. I would suck it up at times and just ask the MD's but wow, the way they respond really discourages me. I try not to take it personally, but I'm only human. I'm obviously a new grad, TEACH me, TELL me so the next time around, I'll UNDERSTAND and do it the right way. We all have the same purpose, to stabilize our patients and make sure their condition improves. It's teamwork, communication, being a patient advocate. In that sense, I feel alone because I don't sense that.

I don't want to speak to any of the staff or my educator about how I feel because a lot of individuals gossip there. My other RN friends and family members think I am in the wrong facility. I have had almost 6 preceptors during my internship. I cannot stand it, they think its a good idea to get different perspectives from different RNs. I disagree. I need consistency with teaching, especially if it has to do with my career, license, and safe patient care. I've dealt with many inconsistencies with how I should document, do certain protocols, and eventually got in trouble for documenting the incorrect way from a higher staff. I was so livid, I couldn't throw my preceptor under the bus so I took it.

I am so miserable. I cry every night before work, sometimes cry on my way home from work. I have cried in the bathroom during work. I have been so unhappy, I haven't been pleasant to my family and fiance. They notice my mood change. During my days off, my mind is so preoccupied with thoughts of work and I stress about going back to work. I waste my free time thinking about how much I hate my job.

Is this a "normal" feeling? Does it get better? Has anyone felt like this? I'm struggling.

[SierraBravo]

I'm really sorry that you're experiencing this. That first job is so critical because it kind of forms the basis of your nursing career. And so it makes me sad when I hear stories like this because I think that all new grads should be supported and given the chance to grow and thrive as a nurse.

I would speak with your boss and let them know how you're feeling and what you're experiencing. If that doesn't go well, escalate it up the chain of command. Orientation is a 2 way street. You have to put alot of time, effort, and work into learning how to be a safe and effective nurse, but your preceptor(s) and unit should also be willing to put that same amount of effort into your growth and development. On the surface, it doesn't sound like a good place to work. But give it a chance and some time. Maybe you will be pleasantly surprised with the way things evolve on the unit. Best wishes!

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Going up the chain of command would be career suicide. It tells your manager you think s/he can't do their job. Do you have a weekly orientation schedule listing what your goals are each week? If so use it with each preceptor, if not take control of your orientation and tell your preceptor what YOU feel you need to focus on. (ER is a tough gig to start out in).

Don't except the docs to explain much to you, that is not their job. However, if you are unclear on an order, make them clarify until you do know what the f*ck they are saying. Researching at home is an excellent idea. That's pretty much how we all learned how to apply what we learned in school.

Realize you are in a temporary place. Orientation is difficult, but it won't last forever.

Be kind to yourself, do something fun and GET SOME EXERCISE to release that stress.

You survived nursing school, you will survive this.