Despair_pls_advice

[Butter_fingers]

Hi everyone. I've been a nurse for about 3 months now and I've had many days when I thought I am incompetent. However today was one of the worst, something happened which depressed so much I want to quit right now.

I had a patient who came in with degeneration in general condition, she was not for CPR. At midday she ate normally, was talking with her relatives but then she slept during most of the day. Then at about 4:30pm I went to take her parametres, there were her relatives near her and her parametres weren't reading. The BP monitor said 'excessive motion of the hand' I thought it was because I was doing something wrong. Then I went to take the parametres of the other patients and I managed. Then I went back to the other patient and tried again but to no avail. Then the relative told me that he saw something reading 97% and I thought 'oh that's the oxygen sat', but when I tried it again nothing was reading. Then after a while the relative told me there's something wrong with her chest, it's not falling or rising. At that moment my heart stopped but I looked at the patient and saw her moving her mouth so the relative and I thought she wasn't dead. However at that moment I knew that she was dying/had passed away and told the doctor who then ceritified her as dead.

Now I cannot stop crying because I failed to notice before and it was my first death. I feel like the dumbest person on earth because it was as if my mind didn't even consider the idea that the patient might be dying/dead. The relatives thanked me and instead of better, it made feel more miserable and as if I'm the most incompetent nurse ever. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? Cause I feel like I don't want to go to work anymore because i'm failing my patients.

[beckysue920]

Butter_fingers, you are not the dumbest person on earth. The death of a patient, especially your first, is indeed traumatizing, to say the least. (In fact for me, the death of anyone is not easy to handle.)

Perhaps you slipped into denial mode due the the reality of the situation. Please don't beat yourself up because you just experienced an earth shaking occurrence.

I wish I had some words of wisdom to impart, bur all I can send is cyber: ((((((HUGS))))).

Take care and don't give up your passion.

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

That's why we always say "treat the patient, not the monitor." This goes mostly for ICU-type nurses whose patients are on monitors but the sentiment is the same. Check the patient before the machine.

The most important assessment tool is your own eyes and ears.

You have paid a terribly high price for learning something you will never forget. We all make mistakes and we become better nurses when we learn to live as humans.

Practice forgiveness and compassion on yourself. Here is some from me to you.