Can someone please critique my letter right away

[sunkissed75, CNA]

this is a bit of a rush.... but i have been up all night thinking about this.

our clinical placement in january isn't going the way it's supposed to. it is supposed to be in a hospital setting (we already did ltc) but there is only 14 spots in the hospital and the rest of the class will be put back into ltc. let's just say the class is pretty upset.

anyway.... here is an email that i'm going to send. please let me know what you think. i am sorry if i'm not making much sense, but i'm tired.... which is one reason i need someone to proof this for me before i send it!!

hi....

i'm not sure who to be directing this email to as i'm unsure of how our clinical placements are chosen, but i am wondering if there is anything i can do to ensure i am placed at the hospital in st. thomas?

i am not trying to create any conflict, i am just trying to get the best education possible. i also don't want to come across as childish, as i know everyone in the class is probably hoping for a placement at the hospital, but i am only concerned about my own education at this point. i have a goal and i need this clinical to help me reach that goal.

i wasn't going to say anything, i was just going to take my chances, but i am spending a lot of money for this program and at the end of the day i am the only one looking out for me and making sure i get the full learning experience that i am entitled to.

i apologize if i am out of line with this email. like i said, my intent is not create conflict.

thank you,

[sunkissed75, CNA]

Oh.... I'm sending it the program co-ordinator, my main instructor and another lady... lol

[sunkissed75, CNA]

Never mind.... I tweaked it and went ahead and sent it.....

[Dudestudent]

Ugh. I hope you tweaked that email a lot. It's very redundant and poorly written. I'm sorry but you say you're sorry repeatedly and then come across as rather "strident". I think the correct tone should be one of questioning whether or not you will be receiving the appropriate level of experience that your degree, and testing will require.