Can anyone critique my nursing essay for me please?

[yvette1222]

Hellllo there!

I am applying for BSN programs now and I am wondering if you guys can give me some advice on my essay? Thank you so much! PLEASE be brutal and mean when you criticizing this essay because I need to IMPROVE!!!!

Here it goes:

I am the so called "middle-child" in my family born to be a little daredevil; I take risks from loudly singing alone in public and bungee jumping, to more complicated ones such as accomplish my passion of being a nurse against my family's expectation.

Being raised in a family full of doctors can be intimidating. They expect me to be a doctor since I was only five. However, my passion has always been nursing. My grandmother who was a terrific ER nurse in China is my role model. I used to spend countless childhood hours in her hospital, watching her taking blood samples, learning how to read an urinary test results, and hoping around the nurses asking them to apply makeup on my face. I would comfort those patients who were my age when they got their flu shots and could not stop crying over the pain. During my childhood, my parents had a lot of issues with one another and when they were arguing, I went to my grandmother's hospital, hanging out with the nurses and patients then I would feel much better. It was after my eighteenth birthday when my parents asked me what major do I want to pursue. "Nursing". I answered without doubt and I tried my best to ignore the disappointment in my parents' eyes. Few months later, I moved to the United States and start my study at XXX college.

While taking classes at XXX College, I began volunteering at three different places: Figure Drawing Club at my college, Tacoma Art Museum, and St. Joseph Medical Center. Volunteering at the hospital is my favorite. I am an manager's assistant at the Critical Care Department. I help patients with their meals and keep them entertained; I help nurses with files and set up equipment in the units; I organize the equipment room and recycle medical wastes. I feel excited when nurses discuss the medical procedures. I am amazed by the way nurses care for their patients. My supervisor, ******, introduced me to many great nurses at our units and I admire them with all my heart. I felt the warmth those nurses bring in the cold and sorrow hospital. I felt close with them and I want to be one of them.

After two months of volunteering, my determination of being a nurse has never been stronger and I could not stand the idea of not becoming one. I desire to be a nurse at Critical Care Department because I enjoy working with different people and I do not prefer a specific gender or age frame in my patients. I am looking forward to doing something worthwhile in nursing and helpful to society. Thinking like an adult and acting like one, I choose to risk not fulfilling my family's dream of me being a doctor. Instead, I am going to be accomplish my passion of becoming an outstanding nurse.