Burnt Out Right Before Nursing School. Should I Still Consider?

ruby_jane, BSN, RN · May 22, 2018

Going to start off by giving a little background about myself.
I'm 22 with a mother who is about to retire (2 years).
I'm going for my ADN at a local CC.
I've already taken all of my pre-reqs aside from Microbiology.
I did poorly in A&P II and Pharmacology. C in A&P II, B in Pharm.
I completed a CNA program so I have a taste of what being in a healthcare facility is like.
So here is why I'm in burnt out :
1. I did poorly in pharm and a&p 2. The grade isn't that big of a deal to me. It's that pharm alone has made me burnt out and riddled with anxiety. If I can't memorize these drugs how will I even do in nursing school? For my class we needed to know drug class, generic name, mech. of action, and indications. I can't even imagine having to know adverse effects along with how it plays a role in Pathophysiology...
TL;DR : Poor pharm + A&P 2 performance. Not sure how well that'll translate to NS.
2. I have a chance at getting in the spring semester but realistically a shoe in for the fall semester of 2019. That's already a full year of essentially doing nothing but taking micro and working. If I somehow fail midway of NS that's 2 years and I'll have absolutely nothing to show for it which I could've used to go for bachelors. My mother's going to be retired and I don't think I'd be able to even survive NS if I tried to get a part time job.
TL;DR : 1 year from getting in. If I fail midway that'll be a total of 2 years wasted which I could have used to go for a bachelors.
3. Let's say I somehow get pass NS, pass my NCLEX, and land a nursing job. I don't know if I have what it takes to spend the rest of my life living with the anxiety that I could seriously harm or kill someone AND lose my license after years of dedication for it. I know I have the heart to become a nurse. I absolutely love helping others in every conceivable way. I have little to no issues with blood, sputum, stool, etc.
TL;DR : Anxiety that I can spend 3 years of schooling and essentially have it taken away from me after a fatal situation.
I spent the past 2 years always wondering "What if I can't get in?" due to struggling with the entrance HESI. To recently wondering "I did so poorly in pharm. If I can't do well here how can I even do well in NS?"
Right now I don't have to do anything except for refresh my dosage calc. course credit, review pharm notes, and work. I keep hearing people say "You just need time to relax" before getting in but even when I hang out with friends it's ruined by my anxiety. It's a constant loop. Get anxiety > hang out > think about future NS > rinse and repeat.
Question's in the title but really I'm just asking for people to read my situation and have them give me their thoughts. Also should I go to the doctors to take a look at my anxiety? I know anxiety is good to keep you on your feet but I think my anxiety is higher than most as I worry about a lot of meaningless *$.
If you've read any of my long, drawn out post I'd like to thank you for putting a little bit of your day to possibly help.

Fluffy,

I want to hug you right now. I have three decades more experience than you, and please don't take this as patronizing, but A B in pharm is good, not "poor." The C in A&P II should trouble you a little more. But that's repeatable if you decide you want to go this route.

Your concern about medications - that's real, and yes, you are the last stop between the doctor and the patient so it should give you a little heartburn. However, it should not make you sick. There's not one of us who hasn't lost sleep when thinking about what "could" go wrong, I promise. Losing a license pretty much takes years of making mistakes, though...unless you make a giant, horrific, on-purpose mistake.

It sounds like you have a lot of free-floating anxiety about things that haven't happened yet. I would encourage you to speak to both an admissions counselor (who may put nursing school in perspective) and perhaps a counselor or psychologist who can help you build some skills for when your anxiety comes calling.

What else can you do with these prerequisites? If nursing school isn't an option, how would you feel? Physical, occupational, and respiratory therapists do great things both in hospitals and in the communities - have you thought about an alternative to nursing?

FluffyFluffalo · May 22, 2018

Hi Jane,

I'd like to thank you again for reading and actually replying.

Regarding classes I forgot to mention teachers played a huge role. A&PII prof. challenged us for every single point while Pharm was too easy and didn't reinforce anything. That's why I'm concerned with my learning and retention of drugs in future classes. Will retake A&PII just to freshen up topics if I don't get in spring though.

I was planning on talking to a 2nd nursing student friend soon. Didn't want to yet since I wasn't sure if she was still in class and will probably require a lengthy talking to for the info I need/want. Counselors here aren't that helping in terms of info compared to other students.

Spent a good amount of time looking for a plan B. I could go for the LPN option during NS, medical assistant, PT assistant, health info systems, pharm tech, etc. I even considered becoming a pilot on my anxiety driven alternative options search lol

I feel like anything below a nursing degree I'll feel like a failure to my family. I was given the same opportunity as my sister and cousins but botched it. I know waiting till I'm actually a nursing student to really confirm my anxiety is the smarter move compared to switching majors now. It's just that I feel like I'm wasting so much time just waiting to get an answer and I'm scared my suspicions could end up true.

EmDash · May 22, 2018

If you feel like your anxiety is abnormally high, then it probably is and I think it's worth it to go see someone. You may even have free counseling through your school, and they can help you with ways to decrease that anxiety. Personally, I don't think anxiety is really "good" for anyone. Some level of stress in important situations, sure, but full on anxiety? That just makes you feel like s*** and makes the situation worse for everyone.

Honestly, it also partly sounds like you've got to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Worrying and stressing and tying yourself in knots about something, and placing so much of your happiness and self-worth (not becoming a nurse doesn't equal being a failure) on achieving one thing isn't helpful. It's only going to make it MORE difficult because then you focus more on worrying than on actually getting what you need to done. For me, I've learned to take what I'm worrying about, at least in regard to things like this, and spend that energy instead on figuring out HOW I'm going to get it done. So, instead of constantly thinking about what your grade in A&P II indicates about you (nothing btw), you can sit down and figure out what went wrong. Did you study enough? Did you study the right thing or in a way that helps you actually learn and rationalize the information? Did you use every resource available? Tutors, YouTube videos, etc? Were you just too consumed with your anxiety that you lost focus on the information?

And kind of an aside, but personally, I feel like pharm would be easier to learn in NS because one, you're going to have some clincals in which you will work with those medications to solidify the information and two, being able to connect to pathophysiology will help you actually understand the medication and what effects it may have and why, rather than just trying to memorize it.