Being a bi-polar nurse~what's it like?

Nurses Disabilities

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I've been a nurse over 20 years, have been off work the past two and am now in the process of returning (interviews and such). I've had depression issues for more than 10 years, dealt with the meds and hid it very well from everyone in my workplace including family. I had a manic episode a year and a half ago~that litteraly left me wandering thinking my name was Jane Doe and I was in the witness protection program. How on earth my mind came up with that I will NEVER know. 2 years prior to this incident I had a "breakdown" after 2 major deaths and was first dxd as bi-polar.

As I said I am now working with a recruiter and have pending interviews. I know better to disclose this as they wont hire me~the stigma in the work place is horrid. But how is it knowing you are bi-polar and working? I'm scared sh##less that I will go manic one day at work with people who know nothing about me. I wont be doing hands on, it will be more admin/case management. But do you wake up everyday and ask yourself am I OK to work as a nurse today? How do you deal with taking time off for appointments? I never worried about time off since I had been with my previous employer years.

While I am excited to get back to work and get health insurance again...so I can get out of the public county mental health system. :banghead: I find myself questioning and doubting my nursing knowledge and second guessing my thoughts where as previously I was completely confident. I wonder how it will be to get up and go to work and function when I have a bad day. Am I the only one? I know it doesnt go away and I have to learn how to control it~but the stigma and shame and embarrasment of being "labeled" as the "crazy nurse" scares the h### out of me!!:cry: This is a new job a fresh start and do over. (I was terminated from my previous employer for an unrelated isssue) I realize its all part of the diagnosis and know I am not alone although it feels like it......what advice or suggestions do you have?

I have only been a nurse for 6 months and just found out I have Bi polar. I was fired from my job 2 months ago and now i cant find a job because i dont have 1 year of expierence. I feel like how did i finish school and handle life for this long. I am so scared and just want to work again. I feel like a failure.

Specializes in LTC.
I have only been a nurse for 6 months and just found out I have Bi polar. I was fired from my job 2 months ago and now i cant find a job because i dont have 1 year of expierence. I feel like how did i finish school and handle life for this long. I am so scared and just want to work again. I feel like a failure.

I'm sorry to hear you got fired. I almost got fired 2 weeks ago myself, but still feel like that as soon as they find someone to replace me...Anyway, that first year as a nurse is really hard. Nursing school was hard enough, but when we get out here in "the real world" it get's really hard to compensate for our emotions. We can't just be ourselves, we have to put on a show that we are "together" and can "handle it", which, without meds, we usually can't. (And could I use just one more comma?). I've had 4 jobs in the 18 months I've been licensed, and I've quit without notice on all of them. Not good, but geez, I didn't know it was me! I have only recently been diagnosed, (about 2.5 months ago), and am finally starting to get stabilized on meds. It's still hard, though. I have to fight myself to keep from quitting this job, and have to keep reminding myself that my ability to think rationally is pretty screwed up. On the job search: I strongly suggest getting some meds on board to help level out the ups and downs, and then put in as many aps as you can. There will be someone, somewhere willing to give you a shot. It may not be what you want, or have the pay you want, but once you hit the magic one-year mark, the door opens wide. Good luck and hang in there.

I have been stabilized on my meds now, I am taking Lamictol. I have been sending my resume everywhere for 2 months now. I am going to keep perservering. It's just really hard to come to grips with my emotions. Now that I have a name to it bi-polar i can deal with it. I am a very strong person and have a great support at home. I just need a chance to prove myself. Sounds like you have had a difficult time as well i wish employers can see that our emotional health is just as important as our physical well being. They don't realize that we are just human and are given this lot in life. I think if we had more support from our managers i know for me i would excel in my job. I thrive when i know someone has my back but when people are watching me as if i am ready to make a mistake and watching my back every minute the pressure is just too much. I obviously finished school past boards while raising a family and staying married. We need to look on the brighter side of things and i am grateful that i have my peace of mind back. I wish you the best of luck in your journey and hope that you can hang in there.

Specializes in LTC.

I'm glad to hear you're doing well on meds. I'm on Depakote, and it's doing it's job for the most part. Naturally, I wish to be "cured", but as we know, that's not going to happen. The job market for nurses sure has dried up lately! I do wish you the best of luck, and maybe, just maybe, we'll get through this thing.

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