I've been a nurse over 20 years, have been off work the past two and am now in the process of returning (interviews and such). I've had depression issues for more than 10 years, dealt with the meds and hid it very well from everyone in my workplace including family. I had a manic episode a year and a half ago~that litteraly left me wandering thinking my name was Jane Doe and I was in the witness protection program. How on earth my mind came up with that I will NEVER know. 2 years prior to this incident I had a "breakdown" after 2 major deaths and was first dxd as bi-polar.
As I said I am now working with a recruiter and have pending interviews. I know better to disclose this as they wont hire me~the stigma in the work place is horrid. But how is it knowing you are bi-polar and working? I'm scared sh##less that I will go manic one day at work with people who know nothing about me. I wont be doing hands on, it will be more admin/case management. But do you wake up everyday and ask yourself am I OK to work as a nurse today? How do you deal with taking time off for appointments? I never worried about time off since I had been with my previous employer years.
While I am excited to get back to work and get health insurance again...so I can get out of the public county mental health system. I find myself questioning and doubting my nursing knowledge and second guessing my thoughts where as previously I was completely confident. I wonder how it will be to get up and go to work and function when I have a bad day. Am I the only one? I know it doesnt go away and I have to learn how to control it~but the stigma and shame and embarrasment of being "labeled" as the "crazy nurse" scares the h### out of me!! This is a new job a fresh start and do over. (I was terminated from my previous employer for an unrelated isssue) I realize its all part of the diagnosis and know I am not alone although it feels like it......what advice or suggestions do you have?