This is just a little bit of a rant to try to ease some pre-work jitters...
I swear I can see my heart beating through this crisp navy-blue scrub top.
I'm sitting on my couch with that nervous butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling. Today I start my second full week of work on a new shift. This means new coworkers to meet and try not to look like an idiot in front of. I don't want to say that I dread going in to my new job, because I don't. Overwhelmed is a better way to describe how I feel every time I swipe my time card.
I (yes, me) am responsible for the care of about 24 residents every time I walk in the doors of my new job. I'm responsible for their medications, their wound dressings, their new orders from the doctor, their blood work, their condition, their CNAs, their blood sugar, their blood pressure, and of course any new admissions that decide it would be an appropriate time to show up. As a "baby" nurse, this is all quite terrifying. Last week I was left to do the med-cart all by myself and there were more than a few times where I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. Why? Well, probably frustration more than anything else. There are so many people with so many different medications. Some of them were crush, some of them were whole. I hated having to track my preceptor down to ask her who gets what (it wasn't on the MAR). It was time consuming and frustrating. I hated walking into the resident's room only to find an empty bed... Then the hunt through the building began. Most of the times they were in physical therapy. Sometimes they were outside smoking cigarettes. All of them were, however, very time consuming. I started my 9am med pass around 7:30am, and I didn't finish until 11am. I had countless interruptions from the PT/OT department, wheeling residents up to the med cart for their medications while I was in the middle of preparing someone else's morning pills. I was ready to pull my damn hair out.
So now I'm sitting on my couch rationalizing that this is normal for a new nurse to go through. I'm remember back when I started work at my retail pharmacy job and I was being trained in photo. I swear I needed an Ativan just to get through those shifts. I was a nervous wreck. Then when I was trained as a supervisor, I'm pretty sure I felt the same way.
So this is normal. But it's different. This is taking care of people... not taking care of pictures or money. I'm arguing with myself that I'll never get this time management down, that I'll never find a routine... and it scares me.
My DON is giving me 3 weeks of orientation and if I don't feel ready she'll give me more. I think at the end of this week if I still have that terrified, sick feeling in my stomach, I may ask for more. I'm just so scared it will reflect poorly on me, but I don't want to cause harm to any of my residents.
Today went as smooth as it probably could go. I think the 3-11 shift runs a little easier because there's a lot less of a battle with PT/OT. I got my med passes done, and only had to stay 20 minutes late to finish the charting.
It's weird because I actually really love this place. I love the residents (they're so amazing!), it's just that I'm so nervous that I won't ever get good at this! Last week I got stuck with a preceptor that was impossible to find, and when I would ask her questions I got the "I don't have time for this" response. So I think actually having a helpful preceptor eased some of the horror I was feeling before work today. lol
I can personally say that is completely normal and I think it's great to share it with others. Many feel that fear, anxiety and frustration, but more importantly know how to manage and that will only over time.
MissCharlieRN
64 Posts
Today went as smooth as it probably could go. I think the 3-11 shift runs a little easier because there's a lot less of a battle with PT/OT. I got my med passes done, and only had to stay 20 minutes late to finish the charting.
It's weird because I actually really love this place. I love the residents (they're so amazing!), it's just that I'm so nervous that I won't ever get good at this! Last week I got stuck with a preceptor that was impossible to find, and when I would ask her questions I got the "I don't have time for this" response. So I think actually having a helpful preceptor eased some of the horror I was feeling before work today. lol