Anyone else go into the hospital post graduation only to realize it’s not for them soon after?

[HarperTheTervuren]

I graduated from nursing school in may 2021 and knew from clinical that I wanted to go into NICU. To my complete surprise, I landed a position in a mid-level hospital. 

I got an 8 week orientation, which did seem a bit short (especially for such a specialized area) but my manager commented that as long as I could provide safe care, we could work on tweaking the other skills later. At first, I was really excited I was able to get this job as a new grad and I felt incredibly lucky. I felt like I was learning a ton and was really grateful for my preceptors. 

Lately, however, I’ve been feeling pretty run down. I’m pretty anxious before shifts and in the past two weeks, I’ve cried before every shift I had just thinking about going in. I work nights, so getting decent sleep when I’m off has been almost impossible. My schedule has also caused me to miss a lot of important family/friend events like holidays, birthdays and other celebrations and I feel guilty about this. I feel like it’s also been affecting my relationship, as there are times where I don’t see my partner for a few days (we live together) and the rare times we’re both off, I’m too tired and lack the energy for us to do anything but lay in bed and watch TV together. It hasn’t started yet because I’m newly off orientation, but I know I’ll soon be expected to pick up extra shifts, which makes me even more anxious. 

The charting system is also archaic so I spend a lot of time doing that and end up leaving around 8-8:30 am most days. I also have different patients each time I work which I understand is for the experience, but I feel like I’m never able to form a connection with families because of this. I’m a more quiet/reserved person (though I do ask for help when I need it) and I feel like my manager dislikes this about me as she always makes “jokes” or comments about it whenever she sees me. I mostly dislike the hours but these are the little things that aren’t making it any better. 
 

I’m starting to feel like hospital nursing and working 12s just isn't for me and I find myself jealous of my non-nursing friends who work 8s and always have holidays and weekends off. Don’t get me wrong, the care itself, I still enjoy a lot. It’s just been really distressing because I feel like I have to choose between mental health and my career and I’m worried that I may find a different unit/job that is better for my mental health and work-life balance but less fulfilling. I should also mention that I’m currently only about 3.5 months in, so maybe it’s too early to even tell. 

So, does anyone else feel like this? What would you do in my situation?

[JKL33]

This is a time of huge adjustment, both professional and personal. Transitioning to a big responsibility like a professional nursing role is the kind of thing that induces people to spend some time questioning, adjusting, reviewing what is important and basically what it all means (life). Add in the learning curve and the feeling of pressure and it can be fairly distressing at baseline.

When we are going through a time of challenging adjustment we tend to see/feel everything more intensely and every little thing can feel like a crisis: The archaic charting, the less-than-ideal length of orientation, the awkward comment from the boss, the decreased leisure time with partner...all of it. That's not to say that those things are insignificant--they are significant. They just might not be a crisis that requires a huge change right this instant.

Unless there is significant chaos, significantly poor treatment/abuse, or an abject personal/emotional/mental health crisis, etc., I favor encouraging new grads to stick it out though the adjustment period. This is very stressful, but (aside from very serious/egregious issues) things are going to get better.  It is very hard to see through to the other side when you don't know exactly what it will look like; it requires some combo of faith and logic: You are a novice right now. There's very little chance this is going to feel the same a year from now, or even 6 months from now--but if by some misfortune you do feel similarly after having fully transitioned to a working professional nurse who is no longer a novice/beginner, you will be in a better position to decide your next move.

Focus on cultivating a neutral set of emotions for work. Let the boss's comment roll off, it is meaningless unless it is constructive. Don't let archaic charting get you down, just get it done and don't perseverate over the details more than necessary. When you lie down at night remind yourself that the weight of the world is not actually on your shoulders; it is okay to forget work and sleep and rest your body. Etc., etc.

I know it is rough and there is a lot of uncertainty, and you have my sympathies for that. But I do think that it won't always feel exactly like it does right now. ?

[HarperTheTervuren]

Hi, I really appreciate your comment. I don’t think the little things are the problem but long hospital hours and feeling extremely drained when I’m off. I definitely didn’t expect transitioning from a student to a professional to be easy (especially with about a third of school being during a pandemic) but I also feel like I shouldn’t feel this bad. I’m going to take your advice and give it more time but I honestly see myself looking to outpatient/clinic nursing soon. 

[Jordee, BSN, RN]

Look for a corporate Monday to Friday Job. Occupational Health, School, and Pharmaceutical Clinical Research come to mind.  I had 29 years of Monday to Friday corporate; and could work PRN as a nurse via agency because I kept up my license requirements for my state.