Anxious wreck of a new grad

[regerterb]

I am 3.5 weeks into my new grad in a busy post-op ward. I had a preceptor supernumerary time for one week. She is still supposed to be my preceptor however she only works casually, so the days she's not on (most) it's someone else. They are not buddied with me, but float on the floor, have their own patients (usually about 5) and are there if I need to ask a question. The thing is, my "preceptor" disappears with no notice, today I couldn't find her for 2 hours. In the first week it was so busy, I hardly got told where the toilets were, let alone the ins and outs of pre-op admissions, post-op orders, etc etc. I feel like everyday I go in, I am waiting for someone to point out something that I have missed. Each time, I jot it down and write it on a list to remember, but each day it's something else, and I am blamed for it. I don't understand how I can be blamed for the mistakes, when I am completely unaware of the protocols or how the unit runs- I just feel an overall complete lack of support. I am trying my best but I am coming home in tears each day, shaking and feeling anxious about the next shift-what else can go wrong, when an incident form will be put in. It's not that I am purposefully making these errors, I just literally do not know and my "preceptor" seems to get cranky at me whenever she has to show me how to do something new-she gets distracted and goes to meetings or has to help others. I am at a loss because this is the only grad program I was able to get into as the public cannot accept me as it has been over a year since I graduated. I know I have to push through it, but the lack of knowledge of how things run is really getting me down. Any advice would be much appreciated.

[Gooselady, BSN, RN]

Each time, I jot it down and write it on a list to remember, but each day it's something else, and I am blamed for it.

Right here is where you are going sideways :) The 'blamed for it' part. You are being way too hard on yourself, and possibly are projecting a lot of that onto your coworkers. Ask me how I know about that. It's been a long time, but I remember it like yesterday. I had coworkers (in my head) being very judgmental and hard on me, when it was just as much me as it possibly was them.

You are responsible and accountable for the tasks assigned to you. Where 'blame' comes into that is actually optional :) You are not 'to blame'. You are merely responsible and accountable. It sounds like you take this seriously, you jot it down and don't repeat the same mistake twice. You are also BARELY getting a crease in your scrubs, you are so new. Every nurse, no matter how experienced, will experience this in any new job. This is why we learn not to make a personal issue out of it. You can't possibly know everything. Most of the time, our preceptor or orienter is just as busy as we are and can't teach us EVERYTHING. Sometimes, it feels like they teach us next to NOTHING when every time you turn around, someone is telling you that you forgot to do something else.

Learning to be a nurse, and learning a new job as a nurse, has a steep learning curve. This is experienced as a lot of pressure and in nursing, you gotta get it right :)

None of your coworkers expects you to psychically know every little thing, so, they have to show you when you forget. Unfortunately, this is primarily how nurses learn to do their jobs -- there are so many little things, and you couldn't possibly learn them in 3.5 weeks or 3.5 months.

So your 'job' is to give yourself a break. Realize you are generating the 'blame' more so than your coworkers, who don't expect you to know much of anything. Yes, there are unprofessional and inappropriate nurses who are too hard on their coworkers. They do exist, like they do everywhere else. But most of the time, the hardest person on you and 'blaming' you is . . . you.

That's good news! It means you can change this by going easier on yourself.

Besides, ALL new nurses feel like you do now. Even if they refuse to admit it, trust me, they do. You aren't alone, and this will not last. One day in the near future, you'll realize you haven't been told you forgot something for some time :) Even old battle axes like me have to get 'reminders' of the stupidest things. Our jobs involve so many tasks all happening at the same time or overlapping that it's just how it rolls :) Chin up, talk to yourself positively and with compassion, and see how you feel in another month or so :) You'll be fine :)

[regerterb]

That was by far the best thing I needed to read. Thankyou very much. I get told that a lot. I am by far the biggest perfectionist and harshest critic of myself, I just hate not being good and efficient at things. But I know it takes time, it is just frustrating. Thanks so much! :)

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

Being a brand new nurse is probably one of the most humbling things you will ever go through. You want to look good, you want to be perceived as competent, you want to shine.....but the truth is you AREN'T competent yet and nobody expects you to be. You will be getting a lot of feedback, which is a good thing, but for perfectionists like you and me and most other nurses, it is a raw experience that can be frustrating and discouraging.

Make up your mind to deal with this temporary career phase with grace. Accept all corrections and criticisms with inner grace and implement them into your practice. Don't let your brain fool you into thinking "Everyone thinks I suck! They probably are talking about me behind my back, about how bad I am at this!" It is a dangerous mental pathway that will do nothing but obliterate your budding confidence. We were all new once, every single one of us, and where I am from, more of us are trying to bend over backward to help build that new nurse up. If she is particularly hard on herself, she makes that hard to do.

Congratulations on your new job!