Anxiety, depression.. not sure I'm cut out to be a nurse anymore

[chrispytreat]

I've struggled with depression since I was a young teen. I was pretty stable until I became a nurse. I started to develop bad anxiety, too, something that I never had or at least never noticed before. I was having a lot of problems with medication compliance because of my odd hours and that really worsened things for me. I'm back on my meds taking them like I'm supposed to but I still have a long way to go to get out of this hole I've dug myself.

I've been a nurse for over two years and I've only ever worked psych. I got into nursing specifically to work psych and there aren't many other fields that interest me.

With my anxiety and almost nonexistent self esteem I've really started to question my ability to be a nurse or if I even want to be one anymore. I don't know if it's the depression or if it's something more. I've even started looking into other careers.

Is there anyone else out there with mental illness who's had similar struggles? How did you get past it? I could really use some words of advice. Thank you.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I hear you. I have bipolar I and anxiety, and I fought my illness for years before I was diagnosed in 2012. I never held a job for more than 2 1/2 years; some, I only stayed at for a few months. I loved taking care of people and was a good nurse despite everything, but I wasn't a good *employee*, and that doomed me. Eventually I realized that I had to leave nursing, and at the end of 2013 I hung up my stethoscope for good.

Here's what I'd do differently if I had it to do all over again.

First, I would have gotten help sooner. I had severe depressive episodes interspersed with what I now know to be manic spells, yet I never put two and two together until I'd pretty much ruined my career. Second, I would have NOT worked night shift---too destabilizing, particularly when you have rotating shifts. It's also too hard to maintain a medication schedule that way. Third, I would not have disclosed my diagnosis to managers and co-workers, which often made me the scapegoat for anything that went wrong on the unit. And finally, I would have gone easier on myself instead of blaming myself for having a mental illness that I didn't ask for and wish I didn't have. That made it even harder to work because I always felt guilty, and my self-esteem was in the toilet.

I don't know if any of this is helpful to you, so please take what you can use and leave the rest. You can be a nurse, you just have to get your depression and anxiety under control so you can be the best nurse possible. Take your meds faithfully; see your psychiatrist and/or therapist regularly; use self-help techniques such as yoga, meditation, and exercise. I wish you the very best. And welcome to allnurses.com!

[chrispytreat]

Second, I would have NOT worked night shift---too destabilizing, particularly when you have rotating shifts. It's also too hard to maintain a medication schedule that way.

Working nights is exactly why my medication compliance has been so bad. I've been working really hard on it but I still struggle. I'm way too scared to switch to days, though. I feel like there will be so many more people and so much more pressure.

Can I ask what it is you do now? I've been looking into being a radiology tech.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I'm a freelance writer and blogger. I've also been on Social Security Disability for two years due to my mental health issues.

[lpjohnso]

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Please know you are not alone. Two books helped me tremendously. They saved me from being unemployed and holing myself up inside of my house and my mind. Finally helped me understand what I was going through and how to get through it.

'Hope and Help for your Nerves' by Claire Weekes. Hope and Help for Your Nerves: Claire Weekes: 86