Anxiety, depression, new grad

[YANA67]

I am really struggling. I have dealt with anxiety and depression for a long time. Panic attacks are no stranger to me, and though I can recognize it's a panic attack most of the time I still feel like I'm dying and I have to coach myself out of it. I've tried to kill myself twice, one time was in nursing school. I just graduated this year and for almost a year I was feeling good on my meds. I've been seeing a therapist. Since starting my new job I've felt like ****.

I cry after most shifts, thinking about all the things I did wrong or could have been better at. I have panic attacks frequently before a shift and just had one while at work. I finished getting report, but the whole time I just kept thinking that I needed to run and get away.

I'm starting to feel useless and hopeless again. Right now I'm just taking 40 of fluoxetine. Nothing for anxiety. My primary is really ****** when it comes to psych stuff so I don't feel comfortable going to her and it takes 6+ months to see a psychiatrist in my area unless you have a court order or are discharged from a psych unit.

At this time I have to keep switching between nights and days and my insomnia is back in full force. I don't know what to do. I could mitigate the switching but I feel weak telling my unit leaders that I need to stay on nights and or days consistently. I don't know what to do. I feel like quitting constantly. I'm so miserable.

[Nurse Beth, MSN]

When you have anxiety and depression, drastically changing your sleep patterns (days to nights), and an increase in stress can cause a relapse in symptoms.

Can you change your primary? Have a frank talk and ask for help.

Your symptoms are not being managed and that's your doctor's job. It's your job to let your doctor know the decline in your condition. If you feel suicidal, seek help immediately.

Listen- plenty of nurses (plenty of people!) suffer from depression, anxiety and panic attacks. You are not alone, but you need medical help to get back to being well again.

[YANA67]

I have been meaning to change my primary for a while, but never got around to it since I was so busy with school. Am I off base to ask my unit managers to keep me on nights?

[guest52816]

First of all, I am sending you a big hug!

Secondly, even if you had never experienced a panic attack or depression, being a new nurse is liable to send you into a panic attack and depression. Believe me when I tell you that I understand your situation all too clearly.

Please, talk to your NM and get him/her to put you on either days or nights consistently. I would opt for nights because I have found the pace to be slower, and the teamwork stronger than day shift (but that is my personal opinion).

Yes, find another PCP, but keep in mind, many of them aren't well-versed in the kind of treatment you may need. Also keep in mind that anti-depressant medication can work for a while, and then stop working. That is very typical.

It is perfectly NATURAL to over analyze every shift when you are a new nurse. I do it myself. Constantly. And you will always think about something you could have done better. That is natural too. Be present in the moment when you are at work. That is really all you can do. Be present in the moment.

Develop outside interests that have nothing to do with nursing. This will help to keep your life balanced. You need balance, otherwise, you will become too focused on work, and over-analyzing.

A lot of what you wrote is stuff that all new nurses go through. Thinking of quitting all the time is natural. It is a stressful job!

Be kind to yourself. Keep seeing the therapist. Return to this site whenever you need to vent or need support.