Another always sick, desperate night shifter

[NurseEcho]

This is sort of related to JenTheRN's thread about always being sick on nights but I don't want to hijack that thread so I hope it is OK to start another -- and I am really glad for Jen that she has found a solution that is working for her.

I have been in CCU on nights for 3 months and really like it; I enjoy the patients and the challenge, it is so interesting, I am with a great group of supportive and friendly RN's. But I too am always sick. I've had to call in sick 3 nights since I started. I've had a chronic sinus infection, got a stomach bug, and one day was so physically sick from exhaustion; I never got up to go to work (THAT was awful; they had to call me at home and wake me.) My sleep cycle is just shot, my nerves are shot, I look like heck and have lost 10 pounds.

So, I'd been sick to my stomach all day Sat. (new antibiotic), hadn't been able to keep anything down, went in and passed out while doing a dressing change. We were barely staffed, I managed to get thru the rest of the shift but had to call in Sunday (last) night, still with no appetite and dry heaves. I've slept 16 hours, stopped the antibiotic, I am seeing my MD on Wed. but I just can't stop crying today, I am so frustrated.

I have worked soooo hard to get here, I want to do critical care so badly, and despite all of the above, I've gotten great feedback from peers and managers, I'm learning quickly, pts like me and even request me. When I am well, I am fine, but I hardly ever feel well.

On top of it, I've had problems with depression for almost 20 years (since high school); my MD has already raised the dose on my meds a month ago. I have worked so hard to get to this point and feel like I have the potential to be really good at it, but my body is just not letting me. I am dreading tonight b/c I am still weak and weepy but I can't let everyone down again.

I really feel like I need to sit down with my manager and talk about what is going on, but I don't even know what to say b/c I don't see any options. I can't afford to not work, I can't just quit. Day shift is absolutely not an option -- there is a long waiting list to get on days. And there isn't really another department that interests me -- this was my dream job! Is there any hope for me?

[SarasotaRN2b]

I've actually found the opposite for myself. I always feel worse in the morning so I'm more likely to call in working day shift versus nights. Guess I'm strange that way.

You don't want your health to suffer, so I would definitely suggest that you speak with your NM.

Kris