Am I Going to Fail Clinical?

[wanna_be]

I am one year into my two-year BSN program. I worked really hard to get here--it's been six years, one bachelors degree and two careers since I decided I wanted to become a nurse. I've aced all of my classes and have wonderful recommendations from professors and clinical scholars alike. This is our third clinical rotation, and is in pediatrics. Our clinical scholar has been a poor communicator from the beginning, has shown up late without explanation, seemed preoccupied and abrasive, and my entire group has felt uneasy asking her questions or approaching her about anything during clinical. We are at a hospital that doesn't permit us to shadow nurses so between that and our tense relationship with our clinical scholar we are pretty much on our own except when administering medications. I would feel totally comfortable providing comprehensive care to adult patients but I have absolutely no experience with children under the age of 13. I have never held a baby, never changed a diaper, never babysat. On my first day I was assigned a two-month-old. Our clinical scholar did the assessment with me and then instructed me to stay with the baby and offer it a bottle if it seemed hungry. I told her I'd never fed a baby before and asked her if there was a prescribed amount that I should feed it. She responded that I should've read that in the textbook, which I took as a cue that I shouldn't ask any more questions. She left and the baby began crying inconsolably. I started feeding it, picked it up, rocked it, fed it more, tried to burp it but was afraid of patting it on the back too hard, and tried to feed it more but didn't want to force feed it. There was absolutely nothing unsafe that I did but I was terrified that I was going to do something wrong or hurt it--as I said, I have no experience with little ones and they are so tiny and fragile, it was a very scary experience for me. When the scholar returned I told her what happened and she scolded me for not having my medications ready (I had been afraid to leave the baby) and for not feeding the baby the entire bottle. Long story, but I began crying and the crying led to being embarrassed and panicked that I was not being professional, which led to more crying. I broke down in front of the clinical scholar and basically cried (intermittently) the entire twelve hours. She told me I was not "meeting the competencies" to pass but did not say I was failing; however, she didn't discuss the event any further with me. I am sleepless, scatterbrained, and scared to death that I am going to fail my rotation. I talked with my professor about it and she was going to discuss it with my clinical scholar but she wrote me an email tonight and just said, "can we talk after class?". I just want to hear how bad it is that I couldn't stop crying. Has this happened to anyone else? Is it grounds for failure? Am I going to be a terrible nurse because I can't handle myself professionally in clinical and break down crying?

[missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN]

Every mother has been there, at that point where we just cry because nothing is making the baby happy. Crying for 12 hours is a little excessive, but I think it was highly negligent of your clinical instructor to tell you to "look it up in a book" while leaving you with an infant. Regardless of whether you should've known that information before clinical, she should not have put your lack of information and teaching you to "look things up" above the health and well-being of the infant. Ever.

Don't be afraid to ask another nurse or your fellow students for assistance. I'm surprised that the other nurses on the floor didn't step in, they tend to be highly protective of the little ones.

Go speak with your professor. At this point, worrying about it won't change it. Get some sleep, deal with it tomorrow, and come up with a plan (see above) about what you will do if put in that situation again. Remember, everything needs to be focused on your patients and not your own feelings. Go in with that mindset and be ready to defend your position and reasoning for why you were crying. You are human, it's okay.

[wanna_be]

Thank you for your reply! I followed your advice and things turned out well with my professor!