Am I failure?

[flowery]

I totally lost my power. I mean, I finally got a new grad position last year and went through 8 weeks oriantation in telemetry. My preceptor was good and I learned the basic workflow from them. I was pretty much comforable what I was doing. However, when did things change??

AFTER orientation and my OWN assignments start, everything changed. I mainly worked in med-surg and co-workers were very supportive. BUT how many patients? if you have 6, you are lucky. Usually 7 or 8. Worst 9!! How could I handle all patients' care and charting as a new grad on time?? I tried not to make medication error at least and I did not make any. That is good. Communication with doctors... Well which patients or cases was a doctor talking about? I really needed time to reorganize my mind. Moreover since English is my second language it sometimes take time to take telephone order from MD. I do not want to make mistake, so I carefully asked and repeated his orders. If I am not sure the spells of meds, I asked him to spell for me. But a doctor seemed upset because I am slow to answer his questions and get orders. One time, one doctor told me, "Get another nurse!" Oh, how disrespectful.... One day I made a mistake due to miscommunication. Soon after I got a call from nursing supervisor. One doctor made claim on me. A incident report needed to be filed. After the incident report, it seems like the supervisors looked over my shoulder what I am doing is allright. My manager pointed out all mistakes on our chart and called to even our home! Picky!! Is it common management? How can I handle Hundreds of piles of documentation without any mistake??? Because I got bad cough and felt awful to see a doctor, I took one-day off. On that day a human resources called me. after one day, my work ended with feeling totally failure after 3 months.

Now how should I do? I know how busy and crazy in day-shift in acute care and my supervisor told me that I might fit subacute or LTC. It may be true, but I wanted to work in the hospital so long time and I liked to work in acute setting. Later on is it possible to move on from LTC to acute? One time I went to another hospital's open house, the manager asked me, "With my curiosity, why are you finding a job after leaving previous work?" I cannot answer in better way because I know I AM a FAILURE..... How can I answer those questions???

If someone went through similar cases or have some ideas to overcome my worst experience, please advise me.

[st4wb3rr33sh0rtc4k3]

Well, I started in LTC for a year and a half, and when I worked in the hospital where I was from it was an awesome experience. I am a fast learner and pick up on things pretty fast, so I always had compliments. Even in LTC my assessments and documentation were always good.

But, I just started a new place. I took a PBDS test and failed it. They blame it on starting in LTC. I feel crappy about it and my coworkers say I am really good nurse, so don't pay attention to it. My boss isn't so nice either, she gets there in the morning (I work nights), interupts report, and never praises for good work, just complains about the bad.

Have you thought about working nights? It might be a little easier.

Remember we all have to start somewhere. It is a learning cycle. Most mistakes you make you won't do again. I mean how are you suppose to learn right? I hope that you stick this out, because most of us have been there.

[flowery]

Thank you for reply. Recently I am thinking working nights. Here are some concerns.

1. I have one preschool child. My husband leaves for work around 6:30am.

No morning care available here.

2. Night shift may affect my bipolar moods. But I think now that not having satisfied job makes me depressed...

How do most nurses who have a small children survive 12-hours shift?

[st4wb3rr33sh0rtc4k3]

Thank you for reply. Recently I am thinking working nights. Here are some concerns.

1. I have one preschool child. My husband leaves for work around 6:30am.

No morning care available here.

2. Night shift may affect my bipolar moods. But I think now that not having satisfied job makes me depressed...

How do most nurses who have a small children survive 12-hours shift?

I don't have children, maybe there are some that do. I do know some that made it really stressful, but they dealt with it best they could. Maybe they will post here?

It seems with the child care it wouldn't be a good idea. I would stick it out, it will get better.

[flowery]

I had an interview a few days ago and I got a phone call from them. They asked me why I stopped working, like general questions. My answer is "It does not fit me" or "I realized that I prefer working at LTC or less acute setting." When they asked me deeply, I cound not find any answer other than that and I felt the reason is not quite right and wonder if there are any better answers to the interviewers. To say honestly and shortly, I did not pass my probation period. That is it. Is it OK to say that or is there anything to say better than that?