Afraid and Feeling Hopeless

Published

Hi all. 

I am pretty sure my story isn't unusual. I ramped up my drinking through the pandemic. I don't have a drug problem. I have never diverted anything. Never gotten a DUI or had any legal problems of any kind. I've never once been under the influence at work.

BUT.... my drinking is out of hand. I have tried to stop over the past year and have runs of sobriety over 100 days. I am a binge drinker. I see a therapist and she has helped me identify when I am most vulnerable. I have a sober group I have been involved in, though I find myself drifting away as I struggle to give this up. 

My drinking is impacting my marriage and I am concerned about my inability to stop. I am starting to believe I might need more intensive help with quitting. but. I'm a nurse. I work in a position away from the bedside. I'm not a formal leader but often included in leadership activities. I feel like if I seek help, my license is going to be threatened, that I am going to have to shell out a ton of money to be monitored and that I could potentially lose my job. My husband is retired. I earn six figures. 

I don't know what to do. I live in Texas. Any insight for me on what to do or expect? I had hoped maybe if I just quietly went into treatment I'd be fine with not disclosing but it sounds like treatment centers report on us anyway, even if self referred. 

I am a recovering alcoholic and I always regret not getting help sooner. You should see if your employer has a EAP. You also can't be fired for going to rehab. It's against the ADA. 

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