Advice - Please!

[SonicnurseRN]

So I'm a new grad RN (Dec 08). I am VERY happy w/ my job, co-workers, car, dog, life in general.

BUT there is one thing that drags me down every day it is my spouse. He never has an unkind word to say 2 me, but I consistently feel that he doesn't prioritize me & doesn't have the desire to spend time w/ me. Literally he works 18 hours a day/ 7 days a week. You may be asking why I don't just go shop the pain away, WELL he doesn't make hardly any money b/c he seems constantly immersed in a new "start up business" idea. I have to pay the majority of the bills, can't go on vacation & I live like a pauper & am often left feeling lonely. In a way I would love to get out of this marriage, but I often feel torn b/c he is a kind man & I don't feel like he does any thing "bad enough" to warrant a divorce.

What do you all think? Is this normal for a new grad to feel this way? Should I just cut my losses? We've been married 7 years w/ no kids. Help wise nurses! =)

[LibraRNinNY]

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your hubby!

Now, I'm not married (although I'm in a serious relationship), so you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt, but it sounds to me like you're allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. In this economy, it's unreasonable for him to expect you to bring home the only paycheck while he tries to be an entrepreneur. Marriage is a partnership, and it doesn't sound like he's pulling his weight.

Have you talked to your husband about your frustrations? It sounds like you both need to clarify your expectations about your life together. It's not fair for him to expect you to be his sugar mama, but you also need to stand up for yourself. Remember, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission."

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

get some counseling. Even if he does not agree to go, then you will learn a lot about yourself and may be able to make better decisions. As for being new grad, I think there is a correlation between the stress you are experiencing as a new grad and additional stress at home, but one does not necessarily CAUSE the other. Does it matter? What matters is doing something about it. Good luck!

[SonicnurseRN]

Thank you guys~ I feel almost obligated to pay the bills since he helped me through Nursing school & I did appreciate that so much. BUT I also feel screwed over b/c I am not getting to enjoy the fruits of my labor =)

I really appreciate the advice about going to counseling, even alone. It's so hard to be objective & I really don't want to make an emotional decision ... & want 2 do the right thing for me.

When we first started talking about getting married, he was broke, I didn't care b/c we were in love & all the other ingredients for a great marriage were in place. We spent all our time together, were excited to be around each other & wanted the same things out of life.

Now ... I feel like we've lost all of that ... sigh