Admissions Essay - need your opinion and help.

[casie.holt]

I am getting ready to submit my application for Nursing school and would love anyone's opinion and help on my Admissions Essay. The question is What do you see as the responsibilities as the Professional Nurse in today's workforce and why have you chosen this as an academic degree or career path? Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Here is what I have thus far:

I believe that today's Professional Nurses hold a lot of responsibility including: being a patient advocate, showing empathy and understanding , and treating the physical, mental, as well as the spiritual nature of every patient. A nurse must be compassionate, must be able to communicate with both the patient and the family, must be a leader, and must be dependable.

Ever since I was in grade school, I have always wanted to be in the healthcare field. My passion for animals pushed me to pursue Veterinary Medicine immediately following high school. I loved the idea and the challenge of helping those who could not speak and help themselves. It was through personal experiences that happened later that I became aware of my desire to become a registered nurse. During my freshman year of college, I spent several weeks in ICU at KU Medical Center. I saw the empathy and compassion that nurses have and the difference they can make in someone's life. As a patient, I felt helpless and vulnerable; I didn't understand everything that was going on around me. It was the understanding, concern and the empathy that the nurses showed me that made my experience less frightful and helped me comprehend what was going on around me. Another experience was when my grandpa suffered his second stroke. This experience pushed my determination to become a registered nurse. The majority of the nurses that took care of my grandpa were wonderful; however, there were a couple that were only there for the physical care. They forgot, or didn't understand, that my grandpa was still there in his mind. Instead of talking to "him" and explaining to "him" what was going on, they just talk to the family members that were in the room. At that point, I realized how important and how critical the role of a nurse is. The same challenge that was in Veterinary medicine was also in nursing and was extremely important to the patients and to their families. I immediately signed up for a CNA course and love every aspect of the class. Working with the patients during clinicals was fulfilling and it made me realize that I had made the right choice. I have been completing all of my pre-requisites for nursing over the last year. I am also currently taking my EMT basic course. I have never been this excited about school before and look forward learning something new each day.

I have always enjoyed children and working with them. After I obtain my nursing degree, my ideal job would be to work in a Children's hospital in the Oncology Department or in Obstetrics in some fashion. I am aware of the challenges that pediatric care contains and I welcome the challenge. I feel that my dependability and compassion as well as my hard work and dedication will allow me to be successful in this career choice.

[casie.holt]

I would really love feedback on my essay..any help would be very much appreciated. HELP....

[OB-nurse2013, BSN, RN]

Honestly I think its great, I think it explains things well :)

[SCSUStudent]

I would suggest going to the Writing Center at your school if you have one. Your content is great, but I am not qualified to comment on your flow, sentence structure, etc. They, however, can give you some valuable advice and ideas need you fix anything. Good lucK!

[casie.holt]

Thank you. I changed a few things and will have a friend read through it who happens to be an English teacher.