Absolutely terrified

[CoffeeKeepsMeSane, RN]

(Ok, so I am not yet licensed. I take my NCLEX on Monday, but as of now I am training with my Provisional License and honestly do not know where else to post this.)

As the title says, I am utterly and completely terrified of being a nurse. I second guess EVERYthing, all the time, and I dread going in to work, even for training. And it is getting me down, because this is something I worked my butt off to achieve, and now that it is *right there*, it is almost as if I'm second guessing if this was the right career choice.

So a little backstory: For about 10 years or so, I have had this dream of being a nurse and set out to prove that I could do it. I do have an anxiety disorder and literally doubt every step I take, I am also very shy and softspoken, which does not help matters at all. Nursing school was rough, primarily because everyone else was in it to be ER/ICU/open heart surgery nurses and wanted to be in the midst of all the chaos, and all I wanted was to take care of the elderly. So from day one I felt really out of place and lonely. Clinicals and skill check offs were horrible for me due to my anxiety levels, but by the grace of God, I pulled through and graduated because there were times the teachers even wondered themselves if I was going to be all right. Also, before my third semester, I was hired on at a local hospital for a Nurse Extern position, which led to the floor manager personally offering me a CNA position, which I accepted. Then the manager personally offered a nurse position to me, which blew me away, but I accepted. So right now I am working with my provisional license until I take the NCLEX.

I have never felt more out of place and anxious in my life, which says a lot coming from someone who was practically born anxious, and it is very troubling to me. I am so scared of missing a symptom, or not putting two and two together, or missing critical labs. It wears me down every night I go in. The absolute LAST thing I want to do is to ever harm any of my patients, but it feels almost inevitable. Being on the floor is sooo different from nursing school that it makes me wonder if I even learned anything at all! The floor I'm on has patients nearly ready for discharge but are there for more PT/OT and to finish IV antibiotics, so it isn't a really chaotic floor most days, so it isn't like the ER or Cardiac where people could code any second.

I wear my worries 24/7 and my family is now wondering if it is too much for me, if maybe I should just remain a CNA and drop the RN. They mean well, but it hurts because once again, I am all alone and unsure if this is for me. I guess what I'm asking is if anyone else went through this amount of fear and anxiety, and doubting their ability to be a nurse? How did you handle it?

[NICUorbust, ADN]

FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED!!! There are so many areas of nursing that don't involve being on the floor with multiple patients at a time. Home health, hospice, private duty, clinic, insurance companies. Find an aspect of nursing that you are more comfortable with. Not all nurses are meant to be on the floor. And, know you aren't alone. We all experience our own degree of terrified!

[medsurgRNCali, ASN]

I haven't started yet, but I'm right with you. Terrified. But I think with anything the more you do it and the more familiar you become, you get comfortable. I am hoping that is the case. Best of luck you you. If it doesn't work out there is always another area of nursing you could try.

[KellyRN86, BSN, RN]

Don't give up! I'm assuming you have a preceptor with you? They should be going in the room with you when you do patient care, until you feel comfortable and they are confident that you can do some things on your own. Don't be afraid to ask questions... It's the nurses that don't ask questions that makes me scared...you are brand new and there's no way you're supposed to know what you are doing! Nursing school is just a foundation and things are a lot different in the "real world" and you really learn how to be a nurse on the job. I would jot down things throughout the day that you're not familiar with and any questions you have, and then on your off time start reading up and trying to learn things outside of work. It will help you apply it in real life and put 2 and 2 together. It's normal for new nurses to be task oriented and not really see the big picture yet. Try to keep a "to do" list so you can keep straight all the things you need to do, and then if you have time try to read progress reports and stuff that providers write, this will help you connect the dots. Honestly it will probably take you 9 months to a year before you feel comfortable. One day it will just hit you, "hey I've got this!" like a light bulb goes off. Also, keep the lines of communication open with your preceptor and manager, and if you feel like your preceptor isn't helping you or it's not a good fit personality-wise, ask your manager if you can be with someone else. You will be fine! You've got this!!

[CoffeeKeepsMeSane, RN]

Hello all :) Just a little update!

First of all, thank you all so much for understanding where I was coming from! That means so much and your advice has helped quite a bit.

I finally took the NCLEX and passed the first time with 75 questions!! So obviously I know *something* about this nursing stuff, right?

My biggest problem was feeling very out of place in the hospital setting, and it got so bad that I quit. It was just a gut feeling that I needed to leave. Nurses on the floor told me to stick with it to gain the med-surg experience and to use my skills, but it just was not at all where I needed to be. The money and benefits were amazing, but those were not why I went into this field. So anyway, two days after I quit, another facility called me in for an interview. The DON loved me and I was hired. She is a military nurse even, and she has been a nurse for several decades, working in almost every area of the hospital. What hooked me in was before I ever mentioned how bad it had been for me in the hospital setting, she even said she would sit in the parking lot of the hospital and cry before every shift because it just was not for her, which is exactly what I would do. Then she found this facility (she isn't originally from my area) and fell in love. She said in all her years of nursing, she has never loved her job more than she does now.

They work with people with developmental disabilities and it is by far the most welcoming place I have ever stepped foot in. The nurse training me is much more understanding than the last one about the fact that I am brand new and do not know everything, and the residents are so amazing to be around. Hopefully it continues to work out, but so far, I really think I have found my niche!