dating someone with schizophrenia

[dipsett08]

My boyfriend has schizophrenia. he was very open and honest with me from the first day of our relationship that he had it. i really had strong feelings for him regardless of it. i haven't seen him in very severe episodes but i have witnessed him talking to himself. he says very off the wall stuff to me and all i do is just listen. one day he asked me do i hear the voice that he hears. i told him no. it is very heartbreaking. there has been times that he end up in the hospital one day and the next day he'll come to me like nothing ever happen and we are happy again.

If he has a problem or wants someone to talk to, he'll immediately call me. he says i bring him some sort of comfort because i am sincere with this mental disease. he knows im going to nursing school and believes ill make a good nurse because im so good to him.

He lives by himself so every now and then i go over there to check on him to see if he takes his medicine.

I know if i committ myself to him, then i committ myself to his illness. even though he is dealing with something very serious, is it possible to have a normal and happy relationship with him?

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

It's a tough illness to deal with. I'm not sure how happy or normal your relationship will be honestly. It's a lot on anyones plate. You will always feel the need to take care of him and check on him. Has he ever stopped taking his meds? Whats the worst it's been for him? If he's asking you if you hear the voice too, I would be a bit nervous. We know it can be genetic so if having children is something you desire, then really make sure you find out everything you can now.

I'm a bit older and just want some peace and quiet. I wonder if you'll get that ever because it tends to be progressive. I wonder how serious your doubts are to come here seeking opinions. Schizophrenia is one of the more difficult dxs I deal with in a pt. I see the worst of the worst though so I am hoping you won't ever see what I've seen.

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

I can't speak to your specific situation. Knowing what I do about this disease and how it affects people, it would be a complete and total deal killer if I were looking for a relationship. Schizophrenia tends to be progressive, many schizophrenics take themselves off their meds from time to time (they generally get a lot worse in a real hurry when this happens), and some become unpredictable or violent. It's not something I would put up with off the clock.

[lymiria]

Only offering my thoughts because it's looking like I may end up with a diagnosis of some psychotic disorder after numerous tests, and because I've read some misinformation in this thread. I know the original poster is probably long gone by now, if they haven't responded yet.

Given that I may end up being diagnosed with this, I've spent the last three months reading every scrap of information I can on schizophrenia, including academic texts, memoirs of people with the disease, guidebooks for families, ect. From what I've read, the statistics are a bit foggy on exactly how violent people with schizophrenia are (usually a statistic from 'same as population' to 'slightly more violent'), but they are a lot less likely to be a harm to others than they are to be a harm to themselves. However, they are a lot more likely than the general populace to be a risk to themselves, especially if they aren't receiving proper treatment. People with insight into their illness seem to be more at risk for suicide than those that don't believe they're sick. Now, that's just what I've read.

What I've experienced, is that when you're in the middle of a psychotic episode, you're more scared than anything. Even if you hear voices telling you to do violent things, your ability to resist said urges doesn't go away. You may -seem- more likely to be violent, but that's because you're afraid that you might give in, so you may voice your concerns to the world, or tell people to get away from you because you think you're dangerous, when really your ability to resist violent impulses is still there, you're just misjudging how in control you are. Though I completely admit, if I was in an inpatient situation and off of my medication, I could see myself getting violent in certain situations, but only in an attempt to get away from what I would perceive as a personal threat. I don't deny that other people who are psychotic may experience it different from me, but there it is.

Insight into one's illness is a predictor of a good prognosis, as well as an early (late teens and twenties) diagnosis (think about it, if they were diagnosed early, they got treatment earlier, while people who have to wait for proper treatment have a worse prognosis), if it was properly treated, and if one is medication compliant. Also, don't forget that misdiagnosis is also possible. I'm always surprised and horrified when I hear of someone who get's diagnosed with schizophrenia without even a brain scan to check for tumors or other causes. My break was three months ago and I -still- don't have a diagnosis, because you're supposed to have other causes ruled out. This may include seeing a neurologist, having blood tests done, ect. I was lucky though, I was able to see a psychiatrist and get on medication quick enough that I didn't require hospitalization, with the help of my family. I also respond really, really well to the medication I'm on.

I have a long-term boyfriend who started dating me when I wasn't delusional or psychotic or any of that. I'm so grateful he's stuck by me through it. He admits that at the beginning he was afraid that he'd 'lose me to the illness', but later he stopped being afraid of that. Seeing me and being with me when I was recovering and later when I was still rarely having 'breakthrough' moments showed him that I wasn't going away, and that I was still the same person, just the same person reacting to a reality that no longer makes sense to them. Genetics isn't an issue because neither of us want children (yes, we're sure). Long term prognosis isn't as much as a worry, because I was psychotic for a time during high school before going into remission because of a medication I was taking for another reason (it's...odd and complicated). I know how I am when I'm delusional, and I know how I am when I'm psychotic, and both me and my boyfriend have discussed this and how to deal with me in case of relapse.

So my basic answer...do your research, but don't forget that people who experience psychosis are still people, and can have a wide range of functionality. However, if your possible romantic interest isn't willing to sit down and have an honest talk with you about their symptoms and what to do in a crisis? That's a warning sign to me. They may be afraid of stigma, but you need to know what to do in a crisis situation. It's not something you can compromise on, you -need- to know, and if they aren't willing to have that conversation, then that's an issue.

[Doctrinaire]

after reading about menta illness worsening over time, i'm scared for my future. i hope things don't get worse for me. that was always a fear of mine after seeing my sister deteriorating over time. what's the point of living if the illness will get worse in the future? in my opinion, mentall illness is the worst disease there is. nothing compares. people dont understand what it's like. people have more compassion for cancer patients then they do for the mentally ill. cancer is nothing compared to mental illness. my grandmother had cancer and even she said she is glad she doesn't have a menta impairment. she said herself she would no be able to tolerate it. not that cancer is not a challenge its not as big of challenge as mental illness. your body can be healed but when you lose your mind you've lost everything. i believe euthanasia should be legal everywhere, especially for the mentally ill. one of the things i will be fighting for when i become a nurse. you should have the right to die whenever you want, and there should not be so much bureaucracy attached to it. it's almost like the government wants you live and suffer so that insurance companies and pharmaceuticals can cash in.

sorry for being so magniloquent, but i'm just so passionate about this stuff because of my own personal experiences with myself and family members.

[lymiria]

After reading about menta illness worsening over time, I'm scared for my future. I hope things don't get worse for me.

I wouldn't worry too much. I've read conflicting things on mental illness getting worse with age, and I'm really not sure they know anything about it with any amount of certainty yet. My mother is mentally ill, as well as my dad, and functioning wise, they've both improved greatly over the years. Even my dad, who doesn't take medication, but who probably has some sort of delusional thing going on. In fact, my mother is one of the most well functioning people I know. Not to mention that I've improved considerably since high school. Even when I have rare 'moments', I have insight into them now, which was pretty much impossible for me years ago. Just keep taking care of yourself and you might be surprised.