Hello! I've been enjoying reading your boards for a few months now. (Mostly, sometimes you guys scare me ) I must apologize now for how long this is going to be.
Well, I was hoping to get advice from some of you, who are impartial. My family and friends, I believe, are telling me what I want to hear.Ok, so, I'm 37, almost 38 and I haven't been to school in 20 years. I've been a stay at home mom for 9 years now, and now that my youngest is starting first grade, I have really been feeling that I wanted more for myself. I wanted to make my kids proud. I was always misguided. Never knew what I wanted to do with my life, but I used to joke that if someone forced me to pick a job on the spot, nursing was always the first thing that came to mind. I always felt a little pang when I knew someone that was a nurse or was starting school for nursing. But I have never had much confidence in myself or my abilities. I have a very hard time understanding what I read, if it doesn't hold my interest. And I have test anxiety. BUT that being said, I taught myself how to type, because in HS I couldn't get it. I needed to be able to type for my job and didn't get many in the early 90's when I'd go on interviews and couldn't even copy the text they'd give me. So when my mom got me a job with the state in the mid 90's, I taught myself how to type and got the job. After that everything I learned was on the job training. If you show me how to do something usually once, I can do it immediately. I learn best by doing. I taught myself algebra, when I heard that there would be algebra on the TABE test and I had never taken it in HS.So, I have been researching school and this field like crazy. I have many personal experiences with nurses which left such an impression on me. If I could make one person feel the way they made me feel those various times, I'd love that.I took the TABE on May 16th and I failed math. I was literally shocked, I thought I was so prepared. 11.0 passes ATB, and I got 12.9 on Reading and Language and 8.5 on Math Computation. The worst was fractions and percents.What a blow to my self esteem. I retake the test, math only, July 11th. in between studying, I have been thinking, and I way over think things. Now I'm really wondering if I'm not facing an uphill battle and, if this really is the career for me.My concerns and negatives (in my mind) are:My tattoos:-covering up will be difficult, I've got a few on the inside of my wrists. One on my forearm that I'm in the middle of removing but--the removal process is long; I'm bandaged up and that might be an issue in school/clinicals-in my mind jobs will be hindered (why not hire the untattooed nurse?)(a silly one but) My nails won't grow and hurt when they are under stress, they're brittle, peel and bend. This is from years of acrylic... My hands look gross, right now. But I'm trying things to help them get stronger.My background:-I didn't have a very good upbringing and it made me kind of bitter.-I was infertile for years, I have had 3 miscarriages, and after the last, I had a breakdown. Went to the ER, because my husband didn't know what else to do and they sent me for one night to a psychiatric hospital!! In the morning I met with the dr there and he agreed with me that I didn't belong there and sent me home. But it's still in my health history, and quite frankly, humiliating. (experiences with nurses during that and then after during the IVF ordeal, we're amazing. I'll never forget them!)-I am a sexual assault survivor. It went to trial and the guy went to jail. But that FREAKS ME OUT that it is in my background. (Again, my nurse there in the hospital was amazing!!) if I could be a SAFE nurse and give back what I got then, it'd mean the world. No judgement, just compassion)School:-I am honestly scared of my ability to grasp math. I've failed another practice test. Math is an important skill in nursing.-I don't know if my desire to help others is enough. At least thats what I have read here The hours are long, the job is psychical, the jobs are hard to come by. I'm ok with the first two, the last scares me, and as I said, I'm fearful I've already got a disadvantage going in.-The cost is $18,000.00, which isn't an issue but;-if I fail out at any point, there are no refunds. That's an issue.So that's basically it. I'm so sorry this is so long. I feel that I have no one else to talk to honestly about this.Thank you :)
) I must apologize now for how long this is going to be. 
The worst was fractions and percents.What a blow to my self esteem. I retake the test, math only, July 11th. in between studying, I have been thinking, and I way over think things. Now I'm really wondering if I'm not facing an uphill battle and, if this really is the career for me.My concerns and negatives (in my mind) are:My tattoos:-covering up will be difficult, I've got a few on the inside of my wrists. One on my forearm that I'm in the middle of removing but--the removal process is long; I'm bandaged up and that might be an issue in school/clinicals-in my mind jobs will be hindered (why not hire the untattooed nurse?)(a silly one but) My nails won't grow and hurt when they are under stress, they're brittle, peel and bend. This is from years of acrylic... My hands look gross, right now. But I'm trying things to help them get stronger.My background:-I didn't have a very good upbringing and it made me kind of bitter.-I was infertile for years, I have had 3 miscarriages, and after the last, I had a breakdown. Went to the ER, because my husband didn't know what else to do and they sent me for one night to a psychiatric hospital!! In the morning I met with the dr there and he agreed with me that I didn't belong there and sent me home. But it's still in my health history, and quite frankly, humiliating. (experiences with nurses during that and then after during the IVF ordeal, we're amazing. I'll never forget them!)-I am a sexual assault survivor. It went to trial and the guy went to jail. But that FREAKS ME OUT that it is in my background. (Again, my nurse there in the hospital was amazing!!) if I could be a SAFE nurse and give back what I got then, it'd mean the world. No judgement, just compassion)School:-I am honestly scared of my ability to grasp math. I've failed another practice test. Math is an important skill in nursing.-I don't know if my desire to help others is enough. At least thats what I have read here