Hello all! This is my first time doing this, so I hope I'm doing it right. Well, here goes, I started LPN school two months ago. It is a ten month program and VERY overwhelming and intense. I'm not doing bad at all, but I can't get the thought out of my head, that it's only going to get harder, and that I'm going to do bad later on, which is killing any good feelings I could have about nursing. I'm so afriad that I'm going to mess up really bad in a clinical or think I did good on a test, just to end up failing. Like I'm doing all this for nothing. I don't want to feel this way and I'm hoping all this is normal. I'm to the point already to where I don't even want to study, like I'm doing all of it for nothing because I'm going to fail anyway. I'm so stressed about everything! I've totally isolated myself and it is still getting me nowhere. There is no one I can talk to that would even be able to relate to me so I'm hoping some of you can... and maybe just be able to say everything's going to be okay.
I think about some people I know who are nurses and shouldn't be (I'm sure everyone has met atleast one of those kind) and I try thinking to myself,' if they can do it, why can't I?' I think if I had more time, I would do wonderful and believe that I knew what I was doing. When you're in a ten month program, it is almost impossible to have the confidence that you will do a good job because you know you know your stuff. Everything is just pushed together and you don't have the time to even remember what you just went over. If I had to take the same test I got a 94 in last week again, I would fail it because there is only so much your brain can take. And at the time of one test, you are going over information for the next two tests. I just hope I can get ahold of these reins and guide myself the right way. Maybe eventually I will get a routine down or something. I'm just afraid for my future pts. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something ever happened to them because of me. And with the way these schools are, how are you supposed to take in everything they teach you and feel good enough to do these things on your own?! I just don't see how I'm going to be able to retain everything they're telling us, when I can't even remember some of the things we went over in the past couple days. I'm so sorry this was all so negative. Just needed to vent I guess.. Thanks for reading.