A spouse that just doesn't get it.

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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So let me start off by saying that my husband is a great guy. He would move heaven and Earth to make sure I'm happy but he just doesn't get it when it comes to school.

He has never been to college and works in the construction world as a building inspector. When I tell him what my classes are like and how hard something is going to be he acts like I'm over reacting. For example, this semester I'm taking anatomy. My advisor and several friends that have taken the class tell me that this class at my school is hell on wheels. 3 hours of lecture, 3 hours of lab, and an average of 40-50 hours a week of studying/open lab/quizzes (which are done in the testing center on campus on your own time). Last semester an A was a 33% based off the curve. They pretty much HAVE to grade on a curve because this class is so beyond hard.

When I told him everything about the class from the above paragraph he, and my father-in-law, both said "Well that's got to be illegal. They can't MAKE you study for 50 hours a week." ...DUH, but to get an A it's what I have to do. I don't want to just pass, I want to work my hardest and get the best possible grade I can.

When I showed him my FOUR text books (about 800 pages each) he shrugged it off. When I tell him that he's going to have to play Mr.Mom this semester so I can really focus because to keep my GPA at a 3.8 I HAVE to get an A he acts like you'll be fine to be full time mom, full time student, full time home keeper-upper, AND keep your grades up. And yes I know, some people do that and they deserve all the credit in the world., but I just don't know if I have it in me.

When I showed him the 120 page final review packet (that a friend gave me from a few semesters ago) he told me "I don't see what the big deal is, all you have to do is memorize something for a test and then forget it." Right, cause what I want when I'm at the hospital is a nurse that doesn't know my ears from my toes.

So I guess to make this long story short... How would you talk to your spouse if they weren't supportive or didn't understand just how hard school can be. Classes start in just over a week and I need to convey to him that I really need some support this semester.

Basically, I would educate him by having him see items that make it more real to him.

Have him speak with a nurse, a husband of a nurse, or several nursing students.

Either way, organizing and getting agreement on items now can really help.

having the kids do after school activities to give you time to study,

having grandparents watch the kids sometimes, or

assistance with house cleaning.

Even things as small as automatic bill paying, or organizing extended family and friends can lesson the strain on you and your husband.

Other great tricks are how to cook meals quickly, or the ability to call out during finals week.

Organizing and educating(husband, kids, extended family) and getting their buy in really helps.

I sometimes have the same problem with my husband. We don't have kids so that is definitely a plus for us, but he gets very sensitive about being "ignored" when I'm reading or doing work. He understands that I'm not doing it to hurt his feelings but it still gets to him. It got to him so bad that we promised to have a date night once a week and have dinner together with no TV or distractions, so we can chat about our day every single night. I know it's hard to set time aside but I don't like the stress it puts on our marriage so I work extra hard every night to avoid falling behind. He also agreed to do the dishes for me and some light house work so we can have that weekly date night. He will do more for me so that we can workout together on the weekends. It doesn't stop him from feeling "ignored" but he is trying to be there for me and knows I really want to be a nurse. I hope y'all can get to a common ground where he takes what is going on with your school life more serious and helps out more. Good luck. :)

Specializes in Certified Family Nurse Practitioner.

Sometimes we as nursing students fall into this idea that we are the only ones sacrificing for the sake of school. The reality is, that everyone around us is also sacrificing so that we can better ourselves. I have gone back to school to pursue my FNP in the last 2 years, and I can tell you my wife has been my hero. Seldom complaining about the long study hours, and the neglect of family I sometimes have to dole out. During those periods when my wife doesn't fully understand, I try very hard to give her the attention she deserves and, and be understanding of her not understanding. Now that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting a little brighter, things seem to be getting easier.

Specializes in Critical Care.
I'm a dad, work full time, and already have one degree in an unrelated subject. I'm now knocking down pre-reqs for Nursing, while my wife is currently going back to school FT to complete her Masters and become a NP.

Many years ago, we were dating when she was in Nursing school. Many of our dates included her studying and doing care plans at my house while I was in another room watching TV. I kind of knew way back then how tuff these Nursing classes were just by watching the many hours she spent studying and doing HW. My classes back then were nowhere near as challenging.

Now that I'm actually taking some of the classes she did back then, I know how hard classes like A&P can be, and how much studying is required to make an "A". Lets just say that I have gained even more appreciation for what she did back then. Now that she's in school to complete her NP, I can tell you that's tough sledding as well.

I think your husband will be able to see how hard these classes are when you get started. If not, show him these threads so he can read for himself how thousands of people agree, it takes a lot of midnight oil to pass Nursing.

Wow...great on the both of you for working so hard!!! :)

Specializes in ICU.

It doesn't necessarily change when school is over, I hate to tell you. I love my other half, and he is very supportive 99% of the time. He puts up with me being crabby when I don't sleep, or stressed out because I have another paper due (I'm full time work and school right now), but we had to have a sit down talk about what I can reasonably do around the house. I think whether or not he realized it, he was being passive aggressive about things like me leaving books out on the table (he is a neat freak). We were arguing a lot for a little while because we had different expectations of each other. Once we worked out that the house is not going to be spotless until school is over, and I will try really, really, hard to just pick up so it's not messy, things got much better.

About the only thing I get irritated over now is that his family volunteers us to host get togethers, and it is inevitably always a night I work. Generally without asking, and never with much notice. I told him this last one would be the last one, or we'd be more than happy to volunteer them since they live a few minutes away. The one thing I'm protective of is my sleep. I just cannot go to work tired on a regular basis, I find it's a lot easier to make stupid mistakes that way.

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