The most ridiculous birth plans you've had the pleasure of reading

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

I don't know when I became so jaded- I had a birth plan with my son...every single thing went the opposite of what we had wanted (induction, ITN with subsequent pukefest and finally stat section for non reassuring heart rate and suspected chorio). But when I see that a patient has a birth plan I cringe! Maybe it's because every couple I've encountered with a birth plan have turned out to be the biggest PITA's I've had to deal with as patients- this last couple...sheesh, the dad interrogated my every action as though he thought I was going to hog tie his newborn daughter and assult her with formula and vaccines.

Their birth plan read as though it was copied out of a book...one of those ever popular "the medical industry and hospitals are EVIL and nurses are bullies and will bully you to do everything you don't want to do!!" Why are nurses and hospitals getting demonized so much? Do they really think we went into nursing because we like to harm babies and mothers and pi** off patients?

Ok, back to the birth plan thing: I've read plans that state "We require a private room" (good thing we have private rooms). "We demand immediate skin to skin and breastfeeding initiation" (gee, I was looking forward to poking your baby and letting him/her starve). "We do not want ANYONE in our room during labor except our accupuncturist and chiropractor".

I suppose these "requests" are not totally unreasonable, maybe it's just the way the plan is worded, and the defensive vibe I get from the patients who copy them from a book or author them themselves.

If they're planning on exclusively breastfeeding I like to try to avoid giving anything by mouth in order to preserve the natural gut flora. Of course, if there is any supplementation, it's a moot point.[/quote']

Ah fair enough. I think I'd ask for an oral regimen vs injection for my own kids barring an assisted delivery. Or maybe just forgo it altogether.

Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.

Ah fair enough. I think I'd ask for an oral regimen vs injection for my own kids barring an assisted delivery. Or maybe just forgo it altogether.

My 34 week vacuum assisted baby had the vit k. My nice unassisted lady partsls stopped getting it when I learned it happened...some hospitals do it without consent. The problem with oral is you may need to provide it yourself.

Specializes in women/children, pacu, or.

As an IBCLC, I agree w/ you principle. But, as a LC, OB nurse, & realist it is a rare bird (pt or nurse) that cares about that or that really listens. I put the oral vit K out there as a possible compromise in place of any head butting. The vit K can be administered after the first breastfeed. As for all the messed up information, practices, myths that break breastfeedin which proliferate our field, that's another thread. And, I could see a stroke in my future. :-)

Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.
As an IBCLC I agree w/ you principle. But, as a LC, OB nurse, & realist it is a rare bird (pt or nurse) that cares about that or that really listens. I put the oral vit K out there as a possible compromise in place of any head butting. The vit K can be administered after the first breastfeed. As for all the messed up information, practices, myths that break breastfeedin which proliferate our field, that's another thread. And, I could see a stroke in my future. :-)[/quote']

As an OB nurse and IBCLC...you are very right ;0) I just talked to our staff LCs about doing education on ways we, the medical staff, ruin breastfeeding relationships.

Specializes in L and D.

I know we've gotten off topic with the Vit k, but I still wanted to throw my 2 cents in. I've been reading a lot about delayed cord clamping and cutting. Obviously once upon a time before medical interventions were thrust upon a woman, the mother delivered her baby, the cord stayed intact, she delivered the placenta, and what happened after that, who knows. The point I'm getting at is that since the cord was not clamped and cut immediately after delivery, all of that nice, rich placental blood was delivered to the baby, hence boosting RBCs and HH. Now so many providers are quick to clamp and cut that cord before it stops pulsing and the baby is "robbed" of that blood. The only increased risk I've seen with this delayed clamping is a very slight chance of high bili's (more RBCs to break down), and it has been shown that delayed clamping actually has long-term benefits for the baby. With this practice of clamping and cutting the cord so soon, it makes sense that the vit k practice has become so mandatory. I had never given a second thought to the delayed clamping thing until I start perusing this forum and seen other discussions. Now I'm a big advocate. What will it hurt? :)

Specializes in women/children, pacu, or.

Even animals "cut" or chew the umbilical cord & before the placenta is del. My guess is that the cord has usually been severed prior to expulsion of the placenta. I'm not so sure of practice of primates. But as for the birth plans, maybe helping people to develop one in birthing class is an idea? I just feel it is important to be inclusive w/ our soon to be parents. Or, maybe we might try to explore that "feeling" that gets our hair to frizzle when presented w/ a birth plan?Does a so-called policy prevent people from taking ownership of their birth? Have we become "hospitalize" to the point where we cease being a pt advocate? Some births are going to be messed up & some may try to evolve naturally if allowed. These are questions & thoughts I have. Most of the birth plans I've read haven't that out there. I do wonder if the parent(s) have taken the time to ck out our unit at all before writing the birth plan.

Specializes in L and D.

I wonder if it's animal instinct to do this before the cord has stopped pulsating. It only takes a few minutes. Hmmmm... Food for thought. Looks like i know what ill be trying to research tonight ;) thanks for bringing that to my attention :)

Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.
I know we've gotten off topic with the Vit k but I still wanted to throw my 2 cents in. I've been reading a lot about delayed cord clamping and cutting. Obviously once upon a time before medical interventions were thrust upon a woman, the mother delivered her baby, the cord stayed intact, she delivered the placenta, and what happened after that, who knows. The point I'm getting at is that since the cord was not clamped and cut immediately after delivery, all of that nice, rich placental blood was delivered to the baby, hence boosting RBCs and HH. Now so many providers are quick to clamp and cut that cord before it stops pulsing and the baby is "robbed" of that blood. The only increased risk I've seen with this delayed clamping is a very slight chance of high bili's (more RBCs to break down), and it has been shown that delayed clamping actually has long-term benefits for the baby. With this practice of clamping and cutting the cord so soon, it makes sense that the vit k practice has become so mandatory. I had never given a second thought to the delayed clamping thing until I start perusing this forum and seen other discussions. Now I'm a big advocate. What will it hurt? :)[/quote']

Delayed cord clamping is being asked for in birth plans. I also know providers who don't clamp until the cord stops pulsating. It's not gone!

We delay cord clamping at my hospital in normal deliveries! I love it and it gives me an opportunity to send the resusc team packing :) keeps my babies skin to skin! Most of the family docs do it and sometimes an OB but usually only if it's in someone's written plan.

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.

All of our midwives delay clamping until the cord stops pulsating. We currently have a randomized study going on in our unit on delayed vs. immediate cord clamping. Unfortunately, the "delayed" arm is only 60 seconds, which hardly qualifies as delayed.

I'm all about re-wording and re-phrasing things. So as soon as I see a 'birth plan', I see it as an opportunity to begin my patient teaching. I change the title of their birth plan to "birth preferences" and take it from there. It's important for a couple who has (*gasp*) actually done a bit of researching on the subject of birth to feel like you are on their team. While I get that the point of this post is laugh at the ridiculous requests and 'plans' that we as RN's have received, I have to say, there are a TON of RN's out there that only know birth according to a hospital template. We need to be more flexible as nurses when it comes to birth...just saying!

Strangest wording I've seen on a birth plan:

- Please do not bathe our baby. (Ok, fine...less for me to do anyway) We prefer to do the first baby bath together using NON-TOXIC baby products. (Really, I was hoping to give them an acid wash using steel wool for a washcloth!)

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