New Restroom protocol per management....

  1. Hi everyone, I guess this could go into any forum, but because we had a night from hell last night, and were unable to pee, thought I would share it here...From the newest issue of nursing 2002...So funny that just about the time I was reading this the other night, one of our other nurses mentioned that it was probably going to be the next rule!

    MEMORANDUM:
    To: All Nurses
    From: Hospital Management
    Subject: Rest Room Protocol

    In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the bathroom under informal guidelines. Effective April 1, 2002, a new Rest Room Trip Protocol will provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's rest room time in order to increase nurse/patient ratio.
    Under this policy, we will establish a rest room trip band for each employee. On the first day of each month, each employee will receive a credit of 20 rest room trips. Employees may carry over rest room trip credits from month to month.
    The entrances to rest rooms will feature doors that open only with voice recognition. In the coming weeks, we ask that you provide two samples of your voice-one normal and one sounding urgent. Rest room doors will open only when voice recognition devices detect your urgent voice.
    If an employee's rest room trip balance reaches zero, rest room doors will remain locked for that employee until the first day of the next month. Also, we ask that employees occupy rest room stalls for no longer than 3 minutes. After the 3 minute period is up, an alarm will sound, the roll of paper will retract, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture picture will be taken.
    Pictures will be posted on a bulletin board in the hospital lobby. Anyone whose photo appears on the bulletin board in the hospital lobby. Anyone whose photo appears on the bulletin board three times will be terminated.
    Management appreciates your help in easing the nursing shortage....


    Isn't that HILARIOUS??? We loved it...Enjoy....Don't know the author......
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  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   micro
    and you may only breathe in and out and exchange this % of O2 and CO2
    and you will spend 3.2 minutes with each of your patients in this pattern.........
    pass out the attends........

    micro

    p.s. chkling.....

    does anyone use locators where they work.....big brother watching.....
  4. by   NurseDennie
    Oh yeah, locators!! They look COOL, don't they? You want to tap them and say "Scotty - beam me up!"

    They tell you it's a big benefit, they turn off the call light when you enter the room. Yeah, right, I've seen THAT work....

    I don't work there any more. The locators cost $35 I think. You're supposed to return them when you quit. I have one in my desk drawer right now. LOL

    Love

    Dennie
  5. by   babynurselsa
    WOW 20 whole trips in a month. can I trade all those vouchers in when I retire for cash for all of the time I didn't get to use them????
  6. by   micro
    and the locator says that micro visited the restroom for 3.2 visits this eight hour shift and for 2, 3 and ??? minutes etc....
    yepper.......the footprints that you leave with big brother watching.....
  7. by   mother/babyRN
    3.2 minutes???Thats a bunch! We have locaters EVERYWHERE except OBS......Thank God! Last night I think I spent most of my 8 hours going up and down doing vs....No one was stable....WHAT rest room break? I think there should be comp time......
  8. by   micro
    i go anyway.....run in do my thing run out of course after washing hands correctly as taught ...........hehehehehehehe
    let big brother locate me.......gotta go gotta go gotta go gotta go.........
  9. by   Angel Baby
    We've added an addendum to this policy--staff WILL be assessed fines for excessive flatulence...............
  10. by   mother/babyRN
    YOU are the manager behind this! Lets have a breakdown of the fines......
  11. by   RN-PA
    I just had to tell you that I printed the Memorandum and hung it on our conference room bulletin board the other day. One of the nurses is 4 months pregnant with her first child and began reading it. As she read, she got madder and madder, threatening to look for another job and saying, "This is the LAST straw!"

    Another nurse happened to be there and asked the irate nurse to finish reading it. She did and then burst out laughing and also felt embarassed for her outburst. She related the story to me tonight as we were waiting for night shift to finish listening to report and claims that her raging hormones were to blame.

    Thanks for the laughs!
  12. by   mother/babyRN
    Now THAT is hilarious....Good thing it wasn't posted in the cardiac unit.....
  13. by   Cindy-OB RN/CCE
    I worked for a care management firm a couple of years ago and we received the DUMBEST memo about bringing "smelly" foods for lunch. Apparently someone brought fish and someone else was offended by the smell. Anyway, I saw this same restroom policy on the net so I retyped it on our letterhead and hung it on the bathroom door. My office was near the restroom so I saw our manager walk by and read it. Boy was she ticked. She ripped it down and said "Who's the smart a** that did this." I heard that she figured it was either me or 1 other person. If she had asked me I would have confessed but she never did.
  14. by   mother/babyRN
    Hee hee.....

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