I will try to give you insight from both "sides" if you will, Carrie.
First off, personally, as an OB nurse in the hospital setting, I try very hard to understand these ladies and their loved ones are not coming into my care by choice and I am ever-mindful and respectful of that. I know these families are upset and often very intimidated by the hospital environment and I try to remember that as I care for them. I also know far too many undesireable interventions occur in hospital birthing and this is often why they avoid seeking our care in the first place. It's a very unhappy situation for them when they come to the hospital.
But you have to remember: success and gaining trust is a two-way street and this would ALSO depend on the attitude of the home birthing family. I have seen quite a few come in who were VERY, VERY hostile and angry (understandably) about the loss of the birthing experience they hoped and longed for. I have seen them and their midwives come in and be out and out rude and disrespectful of staff from the get-go, before we even attempt to touch them. I have seen others whom I could win over with respectful treatment not only of them---- but their midwives, as they know them best. I always include their midwives, doulas and family members in the plan of care when they come in. All in all, like with anything, we have had some very bad and good experiences with home-birthers who came in to deliver----they vary in the spectrum.
I will say, I am only a fallible human. For me, it is exceedingly hard to deal with hostile folks who won't let us care for them according to hospital and obstetric policies set (not by our choices). It's very difficult and unpleasant to deal with folks who fight you tooth and nail all along the way, while you do your best to care for them with respect and kindness. You have a very short time to gain trust and get to know them, as you know NOTHING about them when they hit your door for (often emergent) care.......
Yes, once they hit our doors, we are all left with few choices, they as well as us, so the situation is challenging at best at the outset. THIS may be why you see your coworkers "acting as if it's the worst thing ever".......no nurse wants to upset and/or antagonize patients in his/her care. But when nurses and doctors are hit with open and frank hostility from the minute they meet these families and their caregivers, it's very difficult to surmount the personal feelings that arise within them to become defensive. I do my best, that much I can guarantee. And it's hard to fail at gaining trust and pleasing the people I care for, no matter who they may be.
As always, Carrie, there is more than one side to the story.......and as you gain experience, you will see that.