New Grad RN - Please Critique My Cover Letter

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    Hi everyone,

    This is what I have so far (showing body and closing only). I'm looking for an acute bedside position (med-surge, cardiac, neuro, oncology...). I have no prior healthcare experience. I tried to use as few overused expressions as possible. I wanted to describe my true self with an acceptable level confidence (not overconfidence). This is a bit longer that I want but I'm having difficulties shortening it.

    I'm attaching the accompanying resume as well. I updated based on feedback after my previous post (http://allnurses.com/nursing-resume-...ml#post7157538).

    I would really appreciate any critiques or feedback on the cover letter or the resume.

    Thank you so much & have a great day!

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    Dear [Recipient Name]:

    I am submitting my resume in application for the position of ---. I have completed the highly competitive curriculum at ABC School of Nursing and recently obtained a registered nurse license in [my state].

    My quest to care for others with compassion, previously expressed through volunteer activities, can be fulfilled and expanded as a nurse. Assisting patients and their families in your unit while ensuring the highest quality care possible would be a privilege.

    Through my professional experience, I have refined my communication via focused listening and follow through. This has allowed me to correctly identify needs, foster collaborative relationships with individuals at all levels, and achieve optimal outcomes. Adaptability and a calm demeanor under pressure are two traits that have helped me succeed. I believe these qualities are transferable to the healthcare setting where technologies, protocols, and policies (e.g. the Affordable Care Act) are constantly changing.

    Through my commitment to become the best employee/nurse I can be, I am confident I can become a valuable member of your team and organization. I look forward to speaking with you further about your requirements for this position. I can be reached by email or phone at your convenience.

    Thank you for your time and consideration and I hope to hear from you soon.

    Sincerely,
    <end>

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    ABC ABC, RN
    1000 ABC Rd. City, State, Zip
    Phone: (100) 100-0000, Email: ABC@mail.com
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    PERSONAL PROFILE:
    Solid experience in customer support; attentive communication style through active listening and an ability to meet the needs of individuals with diverse social and cultural backgrounds.
    Flexible, adaptive, and positive attitude helps achieve team/organizational goals.
    Proactively seeks opportunities to expand skills and knowledge for personal and professional growth.

    EDUCATION
    Diploma in Nursing - ABC School of Nursing, City, State (12/2012)
    Bachelor of Science in Finance - ABC University, City, State

    CLINICAL EXPERIENCE:
    Senior Preceptorship
    ABC Hospital, Medical/Telemetry Unit, City, State (10/2012)

    Refined assessment skills, medication administration, care planning, and patient/family education.
    Acted as advocate for patients/families and as resourceful team member along with hospital personnel leveraging strong interpersonal skills.

    Clinical Rotations

    ABC Hospital (Medical/Surgical, Telemetry, ICU, Acute Rehabilitation)
    DEF Hospital (Medical/Surgical)
    GHI Childrens Hospital (Progressive Care)
    JKL Hospital Maternity Center
    LMN Hospital (Acute Psychiatric)

    EMPLOYMENT HISTORY:
    Order Specialist - ABC Company, City, State (11/2006 - 11/2010)
    Sales Support Coordinator (Temporary) - ABC Sales & Marketing, City, State (3/2006 - 6/2006)
    Facilities Coordinator - ABC Corporation, City, State (2/2004 - 9/2005)
    Server - ABC Restaurant, City, State (5/2003 - 2/2004)

    VOLUNTEER ACTIVITIES:
    Mental Health Association of ABC, INC., City, State (05/2006 - Present)
    ABCs Lunch Place, City, State (5/2003 - 8/2005)
    ABC General Hospital, Volunteer Department, City, State (11/2003 - 2/2004)

    LICENCES:
    Registered Nurse - State Board of Nursing (1/2013)

    CERTIFICATION:
    BLS for Healthcare Providers (2/2013)

    LANGUAGE:
    English, Japanese
    =============================================================================================
    <end>
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