Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?"
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln
Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email address is
home.net Which number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."
Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"
Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will
add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your
National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your
library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids,
and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn
Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
Howlong will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a
Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your
car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank
Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
July 4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on
September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes
I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional
Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "A two liter of Coke".
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.
Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"
Feb 15, '04
:chuckle Thanks for posting this.
Feb 15, '04
Now that is hilarious.. makes me think of alll the 280 pound pts we have that come into our office and say .."I do not understand why I can not lose weight . I do not eat very much..."
They would be the people on the line ordering the doublemeat pizzas and the 2 liter coke.. if only they knew we could watch them HMMMM
Thanks for the smile!! :chuckle :chuckle
Feb 15, '04
I saw this and thought... I wonder if it COULD happen?
Glad ya'll enjoyed it!
Jul 20, '07
I just saw this - I don;t care if it is a few years old - it is still funny and it made me laugh!!!