Patients say the darndest things

kmchugh · Apr 4, 2002

I once had a patient swear she was allergic to all forms of glucose. I didn't bother to ask her what her brain used for energy.

Kevin

Katana · Apr 5, 2002

Well, this wasn't a patient but.....

Many years ago when our visiting policies were way stricter than they are now... No one under the age of 14 is allowed to visit....

I had a very young patient who had just had hernia surgery... okay, that does date me a bit cause we used to keep them in at least over night.... any way.....

He was still pretty sedated and groggy and none too comfy. The patient's Dad was stopped at the nurse's station because he had a newborn infant in his arms. The baby was less than 6 weeks old!

I was the charge nurse and told him that the baby was not allowed on the unit as he was definitely under the age for 14 years. The father was insistant that the patient wanted to see his son, the baby. (yeahhhh riiiggghht, the patient was in drugged and trying to sleep by this time) I explained that we had many different types of very nasty infections on the unit to which he replied, "Babys can't catch germs.... They can only give them."

DUH!!!!

Unfortunately, he got so rude that I called security and escorted him off the unit, telling him that he is welcome back but without his grandchild.

Takes all kinds to make a world. heeheheh

Kat

micro, RN · Apr 6, 2002

You don't know what you are doing and you call yourself a nurse..........

if my heart does that kerplunk thing.......then I take a crumple(break my pill up with a spoon) and I feel all better.........

well you know when I was 48, I got this shot for.......and ever since then I couldn't walk......(pt. now 86+++ and no history to the earlier evidence)

if I get anxious, then well you know the dr. has prescribed this nerve pill, but what does he know........so I just mush it up and then take just a smidgen' and then I am fine.........

and micro asks what is a smidgen.........

hehehehehehhehehehehhehehe

gotta laugh

AIS52 · Apr 6, 2002

Patient S/P CABG says to me,

"I'm going to start eating more oatmeal. They say it sticks to your ribs and I think the extra lubrication will make it hurt less when I cough."

Wow!

live4today, RN · Apr 6, 2002

I once had an elderly Japanese patient who loved to make jokes and have the nurses rolling in laughter all the time. While doing his A.M. care one day, I said to him: Mr. Watanabe, how do I get rid of geckos? He said, "Buy an Iguana!" Then, he laughed that infamous laugh of his while I died laughing. Loved that patient! He no doubt has passed on into a better life by now since he was pretty close to 90 in 1988 when I cared for him.

One other patient I cared for was a 4 year old who had sickle cell. I took his meds in to his room for him to take, and he refused to take them. I said, Superboy, how do you expect to become as strong as your daddy if you don't take your medicine? My little Superboy said, "Superman doesn't need any pills to stay strong, and I don't either!" :chuckle Lesson one: Never ask a four year old a question if you don't want them to reduce you to about two inches in height.

BjOnrs · Apr 6, 2002

Relatives can be your WORST patients. They think they have knowledge of medicine because they are related to you and should have "Special" treatments and procedures from you. One of mine called me after being discharged from the hospital for a dx of pneumonia and proceeded to talk on and on and on about how she couldn't breathe. I nicely told her if she couldn't breathe well maybe she shouldn't be talking so much on the telephone. She ignored this and asked me could I run by her house and "Do a trach on me so I can breathe better" and then added "I have some straws that I know would be big enough." :eek: It was all I could do to keep from laughing in her face and saved myself by explaining that I didn't have time right now I was on my way to work and maybe she should just call her doctor with that request. LOL Pillow therapy is sounding good. LOL

micro, RN · Apr 6, 2002

Renee...........you are so right......never ask a patient a ????? if you can't follow their answer.......

BjOnrs........you are very perceptive.............you can not always be a nurse when it comes to those closest to you .......... and that is k'

betts · Apr 6, 2002

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after back surgery in the hospital, and I was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, I continued my vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he awoke and said, "You're cute."

"What happened to 'beautiful'?" I asked him.

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

hunter · Apr 7, 2002

I work in maternity and one new mother informed me today that if you put vaseline on a newborns face and espeacially his mouth then he won't be hungry as often.

leeriza · Apr 7, 2002

I had this 65 year old male patient who had a stoke. While I was assessing his LOC, I asked for our routine said to be "stupid" questions" according to patients' point of view. Anywho...I asked for his name, date, place where he is , and the time. He did answer the first three. Unfortunately, when I asked him for the time, he paused, looked up at the ceiling, turned towards me and calmly said: " Do you happen to have a watch with you?" I innocently said:"Yes I do have one. Why?" Then he said to me sarcastically: " Then why don't YOU tell me?"

Opps! Gosh I love nursing!!!!

nurseing321 · Apr 24, 2002

I had a pt. whose chart said benedryl for an allergy. I thought that was funny.