Nurse Humor - page 2

nurse humor :chuckle q: did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? a: it took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore! you know you're a nurse if: you believe every patient... Read More

  1. 0
    hahahahahahahaha!!!! I'm not a nurse yet, but I've seen some nurses during my clinical days doing some of these things!!! :roll

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  2. 0
    Just heard this joke this week at a CCRN Review, but it's best told in a first person-like story:

    So, I have this pt in the ICU, r/o MI, and the unit is slammed, just finished a code, all of the beds are full, the night was ruined before it even started. . Well, since my MI pt has been stable, just breathing on CPAP for the night and waiting on the last set on enzymes, he has to go out to the floor so that the ER can send up a "fresh one". So here I am, catching up on charting, running around to pack up my pts stuff and prepare him to go out to the floor, and he taps me on the arm and says "Are my testicles black?". I think "I must not have heard him right" and ask him to repeat, and he says again "Are my testicles black?". So I look at my flowsheet, don't see anything about that under my GU assessment, think "I would have remembered if I'd seen THAT!" and tell him, "your testicles were fine" and go on running around to pack him up.

    So, I get him packed up, and am pushing him down the hall to his new room and I start thinking "what if there really IS something wrong with his testicles? What if I missed something?" And as soon as I get him settled in his new room, I figure, "I'd better take a peek at what he's talking about". So I say, "I'm just going to peek at your groin sir" and pull up the gown, move the scrotum around for a thorough inspection, and lo and behold, his testicles are fine. I cover him back up, look him in the eye and tell him "Your testicles are fine sir. Can I get you anything else before I go back upstairs?" and he pulls off the CPAP mask and says "Are my test results back?"
    Can't tell you how hard I laughed when the woman told us this story!
  3. 0
    You know you are a nurse if:

    you think TSTL is an appropriate diagnosis (too stupid to live);
    you think prozac, xanax, valium or some other mood alterator should be pumped through the ventilation system of the hospital;
    you think everyone who walks into your ED should be MRI/CT scanned as they walk through the door just to save time;
    you think some people are taking up good air space;
    you get phone calls from people you don't even know to ask you a medical question because they don't want to go the doctor;
    you see a car accident and you think you should stop to help;
    you find humor in even the most disgusting things;
    your dog throws up on you and you don't even bat an eye;
    you assume everyone that walks into the ED is lying;
    you can read the doctor's handwriting that even the doctor can't read;
    you tell your own children, "if there is no blood/obvious broken bones/fever/vomiting/diarrhea, you can still go to school";
    you make your family observe the 24 hour rule: "if it is still swollen/painful in 24 hours then we will go to the doctor or ED" (unless it involves the previous entry);
    people tell you how much of a buzz kill you are because you see the bad in everything;
    you refer to death or heaven as the ECU (eternal care unit. I heard this from someone I worked with);
    you have ever told someone who is dying to "go toward the light";
    you can name every slang term for both male and female genitals;
    you can keep a straight face when you are changing linens for a morbidly obsese patient that loudly passes gas when they are turned to be cleaned up;
    you don't follow the "10/20/30 second rule" for food that has fallen onto the foor;
    you won't let anyone use your pen because you don't know where their hands have been;
    you shadow a doctor who is using your stethoscope/pen because he/she is notorious for walking off with equipment;
    you think ice/heat/rest/tylenol/ibuprofen/maalox/prune juice/imodium/pepto bismol/fluids/tincture of time are the treatments for whatever ails a patient;
    you feel completely cynical/jaded about life but still see much humor in it anyway.
  4. 0
    Or you have ever told a patient who is concerned about blood loss, all bleeding stops..........eventually.
    If you have ever gotten out of a speeding ticket because the police officer recognizes you from the hospital.

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