New Element Discovered

Sorry to trump you but here is my version of this

New Element Discovered!

The element, tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of zero (0). However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons or memons.

Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally have occurred in less than a microsecond.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a "reorganization" in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that mass actually increases after each "reorganization".

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best-appointed, and best-maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent further irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.