Modern Medicine

  1. Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier:

    St. Mom's Wort
    Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
    unconscious for up to six hours.

    Empty Nestrogen
    Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the
    memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til
    they moved out.

    Peptobimbo
    Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening
    out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

    Dumerol
    When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q., causing
    enjoyment of country western music.

    Flipitor
    Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge
    to flip off other drivers.

    Antiboyotics
    When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades,
    freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

    Menicillin
    Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,
    "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"

    Buyagra
    Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration
    of spending spree.

    Extra Strength Buy-one-all
    When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so
    severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by
    Dr. Laura.

    Jack Asspirin
    Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
    anniversary or phone number.

    Anti-talksident
    A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share
    their life stories with total strangers.

    Sexcedrin
    Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the,
    "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

    Ragamet
    When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on
    him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

    Men-Gay
    A rub-in ointment that enables single women to identify who to cross off the
    dating pool.
    •  
  2. 1 Comments

  3. by   Brownms46
    These are great...thanks...

close