Employment Opportunities

  1. Must be able to work long hours with frequent mandatory overtime and regularly missed coffee breaks. Must be able to keep massive amounts of paperwork up to date while making split second life and death decisions. Must be unaffected by frequent verbal abuse and able to neutralize occassional physical assaults. Must display patience, kindness and understanding at all times. The ability to communicate with people who are illiterate, uneducated, insane, hysterical or enraged is required. Must show no aversion to blood, vomit, oozing infections or human body waste. Job invoves daily exposure to infectious bacteria and viruses as well as radiation and carcinogenic medication. Frequent staffing shortages neccessitates your ability to efficiently carry out the work of 2-3 people. Applicants must possess a keen interest in coping with grief, uncertainty, depression and loss on a daily basis. As part of the multidisciplinary team you will be expected to collaborate with clerical and janitorial staff, physicians, respiratory technicians, social workers, chaplains and priests, security gaurds, physical and occupational therapists, laboratory and x-ray technicians, maintenance personnel and dieticians. You are required to have an understanding of all the roles and responsibilities of these team members as you will be required to carry out many of their duties in addition to your own. Salary is in no way commensurate with knowledge, ability or experience. Due to the frequency with which employees develop physical injury and emotional breakdown, we are pleased to offer a comprehensive benefits package. ONLY SERIOUS APPLICANTS NEED APPLY.
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  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   lizzyb
    You forgot about being able to chase away the dark forces with a water gun or hair spray.
  4. by   nur20
    ADDENDUM: No "days off" will be granted unless it is a matter of life and death, then you must present proof..."Vacation request" will be scrutinized to determine if you really need it.....Never question the M.D......Anyone caught without a smile will be disciplined......."Sick time" accumulates at 1 day q month but you can only use 1 q 6 months.... See management for all breaks !!!!!!
  5. by   Huganurse
    LOL. Excellent post. I'll be sharing it with others. Unfortunately your post is the most honest employment ad that I have ever seen. If yours was used there would be no applicants. Really, who in their right mind would go after that job. Yet, this is my career and, most of the time, I love it.
  6. by   nur20
    I guess we really are "DIEHARDS"
  7. by   sharann
    Shared this one at work.
    It was copied and faxed to every unit in the house before I knew it. LOL. It is a fair job description.
  8. by   judy ann
    Also, you may only take berevement leave in case of your own death, and must have supervisors permission

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