Embarassing medical exams

  1. [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]...got this in an email from a coworker

    1. a man comes into the er and yells . . .' my wife's
    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]going to have her baby in the cab.' i grabbed my stuff,
    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began
    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]to take off her underwear. suddenly i noticed that there
    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]were several cabs - - - and i was in the wrong one.

    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]submitted by dr. mark macdonald ,[color=#993300][font=sans-serif]san francisco

    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]2. at the beginning of my shift i placed a stethoscope
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]chest wall.
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]'big breaths,'. . . i instructed.
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]'yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.

    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]submitted by dr. richard byrnes , seattle , wa

    [font=sans-serif]3. one day i had to be the bearer of bad news when i
    [font=sans-serif]told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
    [font=sans-serif]myocardial infarct.
    [font=sans-serif]not more than five minutes later, i heard her reporting
    [font=sans-serif]to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive
    [font=sans-serif]internal fart.'

    [font=sans-serif]submitted by dr. susan steinberg

    [font=sans-serif]4. during a patient's two week follow-up appointment
    [font=sans-serif]with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that
    [font=sans-serif]he was having trouble with one of his medications.
    [font=sans-serif]?which one?'. .. . i asked. 'the patch... the nurse told
    [font=sans-serif]me to put on a new one every six hours and now i'm
    [font=sans-serif]running out of places to put it!'
    [font=sans-serif]i had him quickly undress and discovered what i hoped
    [font=sans-serif]i wouldn't see. yes, the man had over fifty patches on
    [font=sans-serif]his body!
    [font=sans-serif]now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
    [font=sans-serif]before applying a new one.

    [font=sans-serif]submitted by dr. rebecca st. clair , [font=sans-serif]norfolk , va

    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]5. while acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]i asked, 'how long have you been bedridden?'
    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]after a look of complete confusion she answered .. . .
    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]' why, not for about twenty years - when my husband
    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]was alive.'

    [color=#993300][font=sans-serif]submitted by dr. steven swanson- corvallis , or

    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]6. i was performing rounds at the hospital one morning
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]and while checking up on a man i asked . . .' so how's
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]your breakfast this morning?'
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]it's very good except for the kentucky jelly. i can't seem
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]to get used to the taste. bob replied.
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]i then asked to see the jelly and bob produced a foil
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]packet labeled 'ky jelly.'

    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]submitted by dr. leonard kransdorf , [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]detroit ,

    [font=sans-serif]7. a nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a
    [font=sans-serif]young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
    [font=sans-serif]mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange
    [font=sans-serif]clothing, entered . . . it was quickly determined that the
    [font=sans-serif]patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for
    [font=sans-serif]immediate surgery.. when she was completely disrobed
    [font=sans-serif]on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair
    [font=sans-serif]had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that
    [font=sans-serif]read . . .' keep off the grass.'
    [font=sans-serif]once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short
    [font=sans-serif]note on the patient's dressing, which said 'sorry . . . had to
    [font=sans-serif]mow the lawn.'

    [font=sans-serif]submitted by rn no name,

    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif] and finally!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]8. as a new, young md doing his residency in ob i was quite
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... to cover
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]my embarrassment i had unconsciously formed a habit of
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]whistling softly.
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]the middle-aged lady upon whom i was performing this exam
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]i looked up from my work and sheepishly said .... 'i'm sorry.
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]was i tickling you?'
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]she replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]so hard .... 'no doctor but the song you were whistling was 'i
    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]wish i was an oscar meyer wiener.'

    [color=#003300][font=sans-serif]dr. wouldn't submit his name....

    [font=sans-serif]one more

    [font=sans-serif]baby's first doctor visit

    [font=sans-serif]this made me laugh out loud. i hope it will give you a smile!
    [font=sans-serif]a woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
    [font=sans-serif]waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
    [font=sans-serif]the doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his
    [font=sans-serif]weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was
    [font=sans-serif]breast-fed or bottle-fed.
    [font=sans-serif]'breast-fed,' she replied..
    [font=sans-serif]well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
    [font=sans-serif]she did. he pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and
    [font=sans-serif]rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and
    [font=sans-serif]detailed examination.
    [font=sans-serif]motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'no wonder
    [font=sans-serif]this baby is underweight. you don't have any milk.'
    [font=sans-serif]i know,' she said, 'i'm his grandma,
    [font=sans-serif]but i'm glad i came.
  2. Visit Jenni811 profile page

    About Jenni811

    Joined: Feb '11; Posts: 1,042; Likes: 1,689
    RN; from US
    Specialty: 3 year(s) of experience in Intermediate care


  3. by   purple10
    hahaha too funny!