" Don't call me by my first name.... I am DOCTOR........."

Have a read, and a chuckle.... I hope
Recently one of our new surgical registrars took exception to being called by his first name,stating that he wanted to be called.."Doctor...". He said this in an area where there were a few people and word got around, and lots of tongue in cheek comments made. This letter appeared on our notice board a week or so later,and had us all in stitches. I tried to scan it, but didn't come out, so I have typed it all out because I found it too good to not send on......hope you get a giggle from it........for those not in the know the letter the person is from, our Health Minister, Edmunds, made the comment that 'university trained nurses were glorified chunder bucket holders' during last years campaign for wage increases.....this comment was NOT taken well by the nurses.[hence the Health Ministers title at the end of the letter].

Ministerial Office
Queensland Health
George Street,
BRISBANE QLD 4000

Dir. E. Smith
Director of Nursing
Operating Theatre
OurTown General Hospital
OURTOWN QLD 9990
Dear Dir. Smith,

RE: Formal Titles Within the Operating Suites

Following several enquiries to this office from your staff, I wish to provide you with the Qld Health Approval Titles for staff in the operating theatres. These formal titles are constructed on a hierarchical basis, and should be used for all verbal communication between staff members. Whilst we realise that those of a lower ranking may seek to corrupt this process by using familiar first names or nicknames, such insubordination should not be tolerated.

Position Official Title

Theatre Sister In-Charge Directorium Magnificentia

Scrub Sister Controlla Splendida

Scout Sister Seekum Countum

Wardsmen/OSA Motilium Superba

Anaesthetic Nurse Soporifica In-Charge
Consultant Anaesthetist Soporifica Stupendum
Anaesthetic Registrar Soporifica Minora

Recovery Nurse Wakeuptus Expertus

Consultant Surgeon Slicum Profunda

Consultant Obstetrician Labour'em Majora
Obstetric Registrar Labour'em Minora

Parents/Husbands/Carers Notouchem Greendrapum

Resident Medical Officer What are you doing here?

Surgical Registrar Doctor

Directorium Smith, I trust that this clarifies this issue. I would be grateful if you could pass the above information onto your theatre staff such that appropriate relations between staff members may be resumed.

Please do not hesitate to contact this office should you have any queries.

Yours Sincerely,

Ministerium Chunderbucketum W. Edmund
Minister of Health


* Scrub sister is the one who scrubs for the surgery.
* Scout sister is the one who assists the scrub by opening up stuff, and also does the count at the end of the op to make sure nothing lost such as needles, sponges etc.
* Consultant is the specialist involved, be it surgeon or anaesthetist...the ones who get paid.
* Registrars are senior doctors within the hospital system, doing their training in a specific speciality, be it surgery, obstetrics, anaesthetics etc.
*Residents are doctors usually newly graduated, and still learning the ropes.
* Parents etc, means those people allowed to come into theatre to give their loved ones support. They are told....."Don't touch anything thats green.", meaning usually the sterile green drapes used in surgery.
* Wardsmen are men/women used to assist moving patients in the unit, fetching equipment, moving beds around etc. [Orderlies is another term used]