Crazy/weird/funny things you have caught your pts doing

[bklynbaby]

I have heard stories of patients doing weird, embarassing or funny things when they think no ones's around.

So there was a male patient in his mid 30s who was post op cardiac surgery and did not have a BM for a day or two. One night one of my colleauges caught this patient trying to give himself an enema with a showerhead in the bathroom. She shrieked, he cried that he just had to go. He of course ended up getting a medically prescribed enema by his nurse.

Another male patient in his 50s with an AICD. He kept on screaming that he was constantly getting shocked. We could not quite understand why his AICD kept going off especially since his ECG readings were all normal. Well one day during one of his "shocking" episodes a nurse walked in on him pleasuring himself.

[Zookeeper3]

Our patient was retreiving a pipe to smoke illegal substances from her private area. Had been pulled over by the cops and "hid" it in there. Drew the short straw to search for the crack in the baggie that was "missing". ugh.

[HeyHeyitsMaay]

I did a clinical rotation on a cardiac floor, and my very first patient I ever had as an LPN student refused to let me do an assessment until I admitted that I'm an Apache Indian. Of course I had no clue what to do. I'm Hispanic, so he assumed that all brown folks are Native American or some such I think. It didn't offend me at all, it was just awkward. Finally I just said it. "O.K., you got me. I AM Apache....." Right as my CI walked in the room. She had the most awful look on her face and when I left the room she asked me why I told the patient that I'm an Apache Indian.

I just wanted an apical.

[diawc]

Working in the ER one night, had a frequent flier alcoholic in being worked up. The poor Xray tech went in to retrieve the pt for an xray to find his girlfriend "servicing" him......he just smiled and said it was his birthday....

[nurse32]

I work in a psychiatric facility. A patient was due for her monthly haldol injection. The patient is black from Peurto Rico, and her nurse from Haiti. When the patient saw the nurse draw the thick oily medication into the very long and thick needle she became scared and told her nurse while pointing to me, "I don't trust black nurses, I want the white nurse."

The nurse tried to soften her up and told her, "come sister." The patient nervously replied, "I'm NOT your sister."

I told the patient that her nurse is great and she has to apologize for offending her. She later told me she apologized.

We couldn't stop laughing.

[Johnston]

One day one of our staff members vomited into the sick after walking into a confused mans room. The man was chewing on something and looked at the nurse and said "oh this is great, I haven't chewed gum in years." The nurse asked the pt to open his mouth to see what the pt was chewing on and discovered it was a big wad of mucous!