Anxiety/short attention span/no filter/chronic pain...vent
- 0Aug 15, '12 by Simba&NalasMomSo I was just let go AGAIN. This time it was my big mouth that got me in trouble. I have also been let go from other various jobs for 1) not succeeding in a preceptorship because my performance anxiety got in the way of successfully showing sterile technique when doing FCs 2)Not being fast enough on my med pass in a LTC facility 3)Not getting along with a co-worker with borderline personality features and 4)Being noticed in the wrong way by the director of the facility.
After 7 years of trying to be a person I obviously am not, I think I have had it with nursing. I have all but completely forgotten about all my positive, nurturing qualities in the process of trying to tone down my smart-aleck sense of humor, trying to keep my opinions to myself, and fighting the physical pain and exhaustion of the fibro I was DXd with 6 years ago (oh, wait...that's not a real syndrome anyway; we're all just lazy and don't know how to suck it up).
See, the thing is, I am a good person with a positive, vibrant attitude most of the time...but at this moment, I am feeling very embittered because I have worked with nurses who are way more nasty and incompetent than I am and they still have their jobs. I've worked in many different disciplines, hoping to find my niche, but the fear of always getting into trouble always pervades. I actually think this last time I unconsciously deliberately sabotaged myself so that I wouldn't have to do it anymore.
I am burnt. Worse than that, I have made nursing not just what I do, but who I am, so I'm at a loss to figure out what I should be doing instead, even though I've decided nursing and I are obviously not suited to one another.
The only hope I have is that I can successfully get a foot care business off the ground.
Just a vent...thanks for listening.
Hugs to all my sisters in brothers who understand.Last edit by Simba&NalasMom on Aug 15, '12 : Reason: Misspelling of "Incompetent." Ironic, ain't it?
- 3Aug 16, '12 by VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN GuideOh, hon......many ((((HUGS)))) to you from another square peg who's tried for too many years to fit into a round hole. My reasons for the difficulties I've had are probably very different from yours, but after 13 years and as many jobs, I finally found my niche a couple of years ago as a DON in an assisted living community. That is to say, the RIGHT DON job in the RIGHT assisted living community.
Believe me, I know about burnout and can tell you horror stories of some of the places I've worked. It doesn't help that I have a mood disorder and a number of medical problems, but even before all of that, I went through a lot of hard times trying to fit in.......it was like I was always about 15 degrees off 'cool'. Still, if it was possible for me to land in the right spot, it's definitely possible for you as well. Hang in there......your almost-perfect nursing job could be just around the corner.
- 3Aug 16, '12 by itsmejuli GuideIts not easy trying to fit in when you're different, I know this all too well.
I think the longest I've ever stayed at one job is .... 4 years and in one residence 7 years. And that all took place in the last 10 years. I'm 50 and tired of my own restlessness.
Have you tried therapy? Seriously, therapy can help if you can find a decent therapist. You need to learn about yourself and what makes you tick.
Hmm, when I told one of my therapists that I was going to become a nurse he really wasn't agreeable with that. He told me I'd make a better therapist LOL. But I didn't want to listen to other people's problems all day long.
So I'm a nurse now and I've learned that I am not cut out for any high stress or emotionally demanding position in nursing. I'm working in something similar to assisted living as a care supervisor. Its good for me so far.
I hope you find your niche.
- 1Aug 16, '12 by m1ckeyAs I was reading this, I was nodding my head, agreeing with you! I, too, have anxiety issues and definitely sabotaged myself a couple of times. When I was taking my tests from my previous degree, I was always the first one to get done and never had to worry about getting less than an A. THEN, when I started nursing school a couple of years ago, I was always the LAST person to finish, had cold, clammy hands, heart racing, HYPERVENTILATING and could never pass the first time on my exit exams at the end of the semester. I was so frustrated and gave myself a hard time. And yes, I was bitter at the fact other students that weren't the brightest could do better than me. BUT I told myself to just relax; if you have to take some time to step aside and collect yourself, then do so. Take as much time as you want. I always tell myself before anything overwhelming to "just relax and know what you are capable of."
- 1Aug 17, '12 by Simba&NalasMomThanks so much for the support and encouragement, my friends!
I've seen a therapist on a short-term basis and am getting to know better what makes me tick. What will work for me, ultimately, is being my own boss; it seems as though my patients and residents never seem to have a problem with my personality. Since I have experience in foot care and love doing it, my next step is getting my own business rolling. I already have business cards and handbills printed, just need to summon the courage and drive to do the marketing.
It's interesting that you both seem to have found something positive in assisted living. The last place that terminated me was an ALF where I loved working until my awesome boss left and her replacement decided she had it in for me. Maybe I'll give it another try.
It's frustrating having limitations while at the same time not feeling like I fall under the definition of disabled; and it feels like if I reveal my limitations to employers they will just hold it against me anyway and find a reason to get rid of me. I live in an at-will state, so even with ADA protection, it's still pretty easy for employers to terminate employees. Heavy sigh.
Thanks again for understanding and listening! :kiss
- 0Aug 17, '12 by VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN GuideQuote from Simba&NalasMomYou are right on my brain wave with this. Disclosing our limitations and disabilities to an employer is like opening a barrel of gunpowder and tossing in a lighted match: sometimes we get lucky and the match just goes out, but it's far more likely to blow up in our faces!
It's frustrating having limitations while at the same time not feeling like I fall under the definition of disabled; and it feels like if I reveal my limitations to employers they will just hold it against me anyway and find a reason to get rid of me.
I've been extraordinarily fortunate that my boss is understanding of my, um, nonconformity, and he is observant enough to realize when I'm coming unspooled and need a break. Last time I was having some manic issues, he not only gave me a 4-day weekend, he comped me for both work days that I missed "because we can't have you throwing steak knives at the residents". I didn't even have to use any earned leave. And THAT is one of the reasons I've stayed with this job for 2 years and don't have any intention of looking for another job.......ever. I don't even look at the want ads anymore.