So I was just let go AGAIN. This time it was my big mouth that got me in trouble. I have also been let go from other various jobs for 1) not succeeding in a preceptorship because my performance anxiety got in the way of successfully showing sterile technique when doing FCs 2)Not being fast enough on my med pass in a LTC facility 3)Not getting along with a co-worker with borderline personality features and 4)Being noticed in the wrong way by the director of the facility.
After 7 years of trying to be a person I obviously am not, I think I have had it with nursing. I have all but completely forgotten about all my positive, nurturing qualities in the process of trying to tone down my smart-aleck sense of humor, trying to keep my opinions to myself, and fighting the physical pain and exhaustion of the fibro I was DXd with 6 years ago (oh, wait...that's not a real syndrome anyway; we're all just lazy and don't know how to suck it up).
See, the thing is, I am a good person with a positive, vibrant attitude most of the time...but at this moment, I am feeling very embittered because I have worked with nurses who are way more nasty and incompetent than I am and they still have their jobs. I've worked in many different disciplines, hoping to find my niche, but the fear of always getting into trouble always pervades. I actually think this last time I unconsciously deliberately sabotaged myself so that I wouldn't have to do it anymore.
I am burnt. Worse than that, I have made nursing not just what I do, but who I am, so I'm at a loss to figure out what I should be doing instead, even though I've decided nursing and I are obviously not suited to one another.
The only hope I have is that I can successfully get a foot care business off the ground.
Just a vent...thanks for listening.
Hugs to all my sisters in brothers who understand.