Welcome to our new Nurses & Recovery support forum

Shell5 · Jul 23, 2008

I have heard of a fairly new med that is supposed to be good to help smokers stop It is called Chantix. You might want to talk with your doctor about it. I find that if I try to keep a schedule in my life and keep the stress to a minimum I don't eat as much. Excercise is important too. Good luck. :pumpiron::pumpiron:

LilRedRN1973 · Jul 31, 2008

Thank you for this forum! I have just celebrated my 30 days clean and sober after finally admittting to the Board of Nursing that I was an addict. My story is this:

I have had a problem with RX pain medication for the past 3 years, on and off. It really became a serious issue around the end of December 2007 and in January, I overdosed during a shift and was found by my coworkers, which was an extremely difficult situation, as you can imagine. I self reported to the Board and lost my job. I didn't seek any kind of help after this incident, believing I could do it on mhy own. I also turned down the Board for their Alternative Program.

After trying to stay "clean and sober" on my own without utilizing any kind of 12 step program, rehab, sponsor, etc. I faltered and again was in the throes of my addiction. All it took was accepting a couple of Vicodins from a coworker (a part time job I was working outside the medical field) and things went from bad to really horrendous. I finally admitted to my family that I needed help and went off to rehab. Thank God I was caught before I resorted to stealing from my patients (I worked in critical care where there was ample opportunity for diversion). I consider that a gift from God because not only was I caught before it got really "ugly" but had I gone home that morning and been allowed to sleep, I truly believe I wouldn't have woken up. The exact combination that killed Heath Ledger (one week after I overdosed) was in my system as well. I was unconscious for about 8 hours, without anyone able to rouse me, including my husband, who was at my side the entire time. I came out okay, physically, but realized that I had a huge problem and that I had lost my ability to care for my patients, along with my job and my license.

I did have a legitimate reason to be using pain meds as I have a chronic pain condition but ended up using as much as 40-50 Norco's a day (can't imagine what damage I was doing to my liver with 40 grams of acetametaphin daily) and then started throwing in 10-12mg of Xanax in with it. I think I was subconsciously screaming for help, hoping that someone would notice and get me help. But when I admitted of my own free will that I needed some professional help, I knew it was time to get serious and help myself become a healthier, happier, SOBER person. I am now in the alternative program that my Board requires in order to get my license back and it will be a very long 5 years. But knowing that I'm working on becoming a better person gives me hope. I have accountability due to all the requirements of the Board and that will give me extra motivation to get better and stay sober. I'm scared to death that I won't make it and relapse, but I also realize that I have to take things one day at a time.

I hope that my story can help others out there, maybe those who don't want to admit they have a problem. I went for a couple of years thinking I was the one in control when it was really my bottle of pills that had all the power. I put everything in my life secondary to those pills and they nearly destroyed my life, hurt those I love, and almost ruined my career. I hope that I can get through each day, staying clean and sober and that eventually, I will be able to return to the career I love more than anything....nursing. Thanks for letting me share and I hope this forum continues to stay active!

mom3333 · Dec 31, 2008

I thank you for this forum to vent and discuss life and the profession with other nurses who understand. I've recently signed up for a monitoring program through the BON and am very scared of what the future holds. I thank you for sharing your story rnntraining, its scary, but does help, thank you. I've always had control of everything and now have lost it. I've lost my job and am unsure I will ever work as a nurse again, which is very dis-heartening. I'm scared to death of what the outcome will be. I hate when other people have control of my life in their hands. But, I guess I put it in their hands when I became an addict. I always thought I was wonder woman and could do it all, be a nurse and work hard long hours along with all the stress of the job, be a wife, mom, taxi driver(for the kids and all their friends), and now a new grand-ma. I don't know where to begin to piece my life back together. I started support groups in sept. that seems to help, thought I'd give this site a try.

martysmiles · May 12, 2009

Good morning, I'm a addict and I'm scared right now. I've been in recovery for 11 months and it is one day at a time. I need a support group and I realize that now just reading the post here. I'm so frustrated right now I could scream. My husband is staying on me constantly about going to the gym and getting in shape so I can work when its time. Yes, I know in the back of my mind he is correct. I just can't stand his controlling me in any way. He has stood by me thru all of my firing, recovery process, and attempting to get reinstated. Which will be in process next month.

I guess all addicts have a problem with control issues. But, damn give me a break occasionally. I had a real pain control issue when this all started in 2003

I had a back problem and really was doing everything I could to avoid surgery.

I did have surgery in 2004 and was on kadian and morphine for pain control after surgery. Well, I did receive some relief after the surgery, but I was still in pain. The pain clinic Docs kept me on pain meds. I returned back to work after six months. My Director and employee health Doc were informed by me that Meds were being used. They were monitoring me and random drug test were done. One evening after second 12 hour shift I took a darvocet from my mom for a headache I'd been fighting all day. I didn't have a prescription for it. I was given drug test next day and tested postive. Was pulled off floor and informed by employee health Doc of positive test. Director was informed and we talked. She said I was to finish charting and give report to my assistant manager, then leave the premises until she called me. I was crying, My friends didn't know what was going on. They were trying to help me. I was so devastated. I felt like some one had placed their hand in my chest and pulled out my heart. I had worked in this hospital for almost 14 years. This is March 2006.

My director did call me back in about a week later. A internal investagation was done. I didn't divert thank God. I was stopped before that happened. But of course I was fired. She told me it was better if I self reported. I did sign contract with BON and seen a addictionologist.

I had six months until I got my license back. The addictionologist called me and said he wouldn't recommend that I got my license back to the board. Because I was on all these meds. I was upset and took another darvocet, of course I was selected for drug test and it was positive. My license was suspended for a year. In August of 2007 I had my second back surgery in hopes to be able to stop meds. Well, It was June of 2008 when I finally detoxed. Denial is a hard road isn't it! I had gone in to see PCP and was in withdrawal. I had misused my meds and I told him I had. He said well it's time to face the music and he called my pain Doc. I was about seven days short before a refill was due and he said he would not fill my meds unitl it was time. I wasn't asking either. I wanted help. I was on 180 mg of morphine a day. They gave me catapress patches and phenegran. I was told to inform my family about what I was facing and not to be alone during this time. I had no choice. My husband had to work. He as our only income. I had no friends to call on. So two weeks of hell I indured alone. Opiate withdrawal is horrible, not mention withdrawal from benzo's, and muscle relaxers. But by the grace of God I made it. Forgive my ramble and the length of this confession. But, I had to share.

Shell5 · May 12, 2009

Wow, what a powerful testimony. Thank you for sharing your experience with me today. I will say a pray for you. I have been where you are with the feelings and emotions that go along with the addiction process, self loathing and the powerlessness. I was reported to the BNE 8 years ago for my addiction. I was not able to work as a nurse as a result of the things I was doing at the time. I finally got my license back and have not lost it since then nor have I picked up a drink or a drug since then. I went into treatment and do have a support group and a Higher Power I choose to call God today. I did not have hope then. I do now. My 8 years sober birthday is May 21st. I never thought I would be saying that as I had no hope. I still remember those days. That is why it is necessary for me to have a program of recovery to share what I have been through with you because it helps me stay sober...believe it or not :loveya::loveya: I know it sounds funny but it is the truth.

Anytime..you have questions or would like to talk, you can email me or call me. Just email me and I will be glad to give you my phone # if you'd like. I'd like to tell you more about my journey and how I did it if you'd like to hear.

Have a great day.

martysmiles · May 12, 2009

Thank you for your support and how wonderful to celebrate your 8th year of soberity. This gives me hope. Were your fellow nurses kind to you when you returned to work? I would like to think they would be. But, I have seen how others respond to addicts and alcoholics. This gives me great pause.

Magsulfate, BSN, RN · May 13, 2009

It's great that you finally made it here. Here is where you are today, without the pain meds. Just remember, you don't have to take those pills, and it will get better each day.

There is a lot of support here in this forum, we've been there, and done that. It still has the anonymity feel to it which helps people open up a little more. That's what we all need, to open up. There is still that stigma out there about addicted/recovering people, even worse for addicted/recovering health care professionals. But we need help.

Coming to this forum is one of the several ways I keep myself in check with my recovery. For the most part, everyone is very supportive.

:)

Shell5 · May 14, 2009

Discretion is the key. I live in Texas where I was under the Texas Peer Assistant Program for Nurses for 2 years. I was on a narcotic restriction for 6 months which meant I had to have someone get my narcotics for the first 6 months or watch me get them. There were other restrictions in Texas. I could not work 11-7, could not work weekends and there had to be another RN in the building. It is going to depend on what program you are in. You don't have to announce it to everyone. It is going to depend a lot on you, how much you share.

You are correct when you assume there is a lot of ignorance when it comes to addiction and alcoholism. People have all kinds of funny ideas about us. A lot of us still have mixed up ideas about ourselves too and that is what makes it so hard to recover. Drug addiction and alcoholism is a disease. Many people still view it as a moral weakness, bad person, weak-willed, etc. They think they have to stay far away from us or they might catch it. You may never be able to change another person's view on addiction, but you can start with accepting yourself just the way you are and going from there. You will never be able to change the past now. It is over and done with. You can change your future. :up:

I told certain people about my recovery. Some cared and some didn't. I would suggest that you get into a support group, find a sponsor, pray, don't pick up just for today. Best of luck. You can email me anytime. God Bless.

martysmiles · May 15, 2009

Thank you so much for your response. I have often wondered what reactions would be. I thought automatically that everyone already knew I was a addict or

would soon know after I go back to work. I've had other preceptors come to me and say she 's in recovery, has a drug problem, But, I'm watching her. That is what I think will drive me nuts. I know it is something I'm going to have to except and tolerate.

Shell5 · May 16, 2009

You can always ask that they please not disclose your business to everyone. There will be some that are going to know because your narcotic restriction, but that does not give anyone the right to spread your business to people who do not need to know. As I suggested earlier, a support group and/or a sponsor (preferably someone who has been in recovery for many years) will be invaluable in times like these. They will be able to guide you in situations like these. Just because we are recovering does not mean we have to crawl before others. Keep your head up and do the next right thing.

SarahEK · Oct 21, 2009

Hello, I'm new to this site (at least posting on it!). I have been sober for 3 years as of 10/1/09, due to an intervention at my job in 2006. Long story short, I completed Outpatient treatment, went back to work, was approached by the Board of Nursing in my state, and pretty much left alone until March of this year (2009). An attorney w/the board mailed me a consent agreement which I signed and have been abiding by since 5/15. At that time because of the stipulations of the agreement, I had to resign from the staffing agency that I was working at and have not been able to find a job since, being that I also have a temporary one year narcotics restriction. Guess it's still a long story, but please, anybody, I need some advice or a peptalk because I am soooo discouraged with the whole thing! To top it all off, my actual Probation (which will be for 3 years) does not commence until I am actually employed as a nurse, which is still not happening! I did consult an attorney in May- for some advice only-and he pretty much said that I'm lucky to still have my license and to present myself as a trusted member of the nursing profession at any interview that I may be offered and to paint a better picture of myself no matter what my past history of addiction/problems would say on paper. I felt great after meeting with him and have been so ready to get back out there, but NOONE has called me and I have looked everywhere!

RNRutRO · Oct 22, 2009

Look EVERYWHERE and look AGAIN! First off, know that you are NOT first one out there, or only one in this situation. And we have done it, SO